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In This Issue

• Celebrate Our Appendix!
• Alternative Motherhood
• Gossip and Nudity: Interview with the Gossip
• Letters to the Feditors
• The Colombia Spectador
• Yowie! How the Brazilians do bikini wax
• Making Waves
• Am I Naked or Nude?
• Marauding Interviewer: Dwarves Fascinated by Own Pants
• Big Nudity Exam
• Point – Counterpoint
• ‘Is It Cold In Here?’
• News Briefs
• News Quiz: Do you know about the important events going on in your world?
• Eight Situations In Which I Am Naked
• Get Your Hands Off Me You Damn, Dirty Apes
• Naked Haikus
• Naked Horoscopes
• This is Not a Naked Santa
• THEY Watch
• The Staff of 16.8

1. When asked by Time Magazine what she got on her SATs, Jennifer Lopez replied:

a. 750

b. 1100

c. "nail polish"

d. "A big-ass score"

2. In a strange twist of events the FBI is currently investigating:

a. How the hell George Bush was elected president

b. Reports of a mole network with headquarters in John Jay cafeteria

c. Why the navy keeps "accidentally" killing civilians and its own soldiers

d. An alleged plan to kidnap Russell Crowe

3. Which of the following is an actual quote from George Bush about his education plan?

a. "In Texas, which is a big state, kids learn to read"

b. "You teach a child to read, and he or she will be able to pass a literacy test"

c. "Latin is also important to learn because Latin America is a big part of our economy"

d. "My plan is to put all students in a lockbox for the next 5 years"

e. "My plan, which will greatly improve school safety, in being sponsored by my generous friends in the NRA"

4. While most Columbia students were away over spring break, what was happening on campus?

a. Nothing

b. Barnard girls flooded the gates and overtook the campus hoping that no one would notice they're not Columbia students

c. Teeny-boppers from near and far convened for a prospective student week

d. a and c

5. Last week a hungry prison guard in Albuquerque, New Mexico bit into a burrito only to find it was rather crunchy when he swallowed. Why?

a. It contained pop rocks candy

b. It contained Puff Daddy's gun

c. It was actually just a crunchy gordita

d. It was stuffed with a bag of heroin which a lady tried to smuggle in to two prisoners

 

ANSWERS: 1. c 2. d 3. b 4. d 5.d