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columbia's naked newspaper
Issue 16.8: The Nekkid Issue
Posted: March 2001

‘Is It Cold In Here?’

Meghan Keane


Kate Sullivan
Naked short order cook.

Did you ever wish you had a sexier job? Being a janitor just isn't enough for you anymore? According to Jerry Springer "Too Hot for TV" guests, the simple path to a sexier job lies not in what you wear, but, you guessed it, in what you're not wearing. Although it's legal for women to go without a shirt in New York state now, some New Yorkers feel that being topless is just not good enough. We here at the Fed Health Board have compiled a list with the Surgeon General to warn you that some of the following jobs are not the best opportunity for sexing up the situation:

Naked Jehovah’s Witness

“Have you found God? Or my underwear?”

Naked germ warfare developer

“Achhk… dying”

Naked Senior Citizen

(this is for our personal protection)

Naked prisoner of war

“Tuhn gah det rinje!” tr. Give me some pants!

Naked Eskimo

“Is it cold in here?”

Naked bee-keeper

“Oh, that smarts.”

Naked Priest

“Father, have you sinned?”

Naked Religious Right Activist

“Stop pornography now. And stop looking at my breasts.”

Naked Lobsterman

“Get yer stinkin’ hand outa me traps.”

Naked nursery school teacher

“No Bobby. You cannot use me for show and tell.”

Naked Policeman

“Did you see where I put my gun?”