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About Us
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In This Issue
- Celebrate Our Appendix!
- Alternative Motherhood
- Gossip and Nudity: Interview with the Gossip
- Letters to the Feditors
- The Colombia Spectador
- Yowie! How the Brazilians do bikini wax
- Making Waves
- Am I Naked or Nude?
- Marauding Interviewer: Dwarves Fascinated by Own Pants
- Big Nudity Exam
- Point – Counterpoint
- ‘Is It Cold In Here?’
- News Briefs
- News Quiz: Do you know about the important events going on in your world?
- Eight Situations In Which I Am Naked
- Get Your Hands Off Me You Damn, Dirty Apes
- Naked Haikus
- Naked Horoscopes
- This is Not a Naked Santa
- THEY Watch
- The Staff of 16.8
THEY Watch
Who are THEY? THEY are THEM, the THEM of THEY that make all the other THEYS possible. THEY will control all if THEY have their way. THEY want you to buy THEIR drinks and wear THEIR clothes and marry THEIR daughters of THEIR revolution. THEY Watch is your fighting chance. It is stationed on the parapet between us and THEM, observing always and acting once in a while, if it doesn't have anything better to do. But THEY are cunning and clandestine, and many can slip into THEIR traps...
1. Now, really. Rupp has basically gotten Columbia out of hock during his tenure. Yet, when he cordially invited the entire undergraduate body to a catered speech, all anyone could do was bitch about the suicide rate and ask how Rupp plans to lower it. Who can answer a question like that? "Shit happens," as our executive administrator put it. Misdirected Anger at George Rupp = product of THEY!
2. It's been forty years since they released their first album, and the vocabulary level of their lyrics has actually declined. A long career, yes, but a long career of crap. NO reason to honor Aerosmith and snub Tommy Tutone. The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame = THEY!
4. Now that it's getting warmer, I feel the hankering for some freedom. This wretched denim is constricting my testicles, which yearn to breathe free. No shirt, no shoes, no service. But no trousers, liberty. Pants = THEY!
5. Come on baby, I bathed. I brought you flowers. I even killed off all my rivals. What more can I do to win your affection? I'm not getting rid of my parasites. I've been attached to them for too long. But come on, baby, can't you and me and the tapeworm make three? Hot Girl on the Corner Who Won't Date Me = agent of THEY!
6. Momma always told me that the higher score you get, the better. So I should be happy with 502,643, right? They why will I be stuck in basement broom closet of Wien next year? The Housing Lottery = direct manifestation of THEY!