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In This Issue

• The Issue of Suicide
• Potential Hobo Camp or Wussy Veldt?
• Choose Your Own Fed-venture
• Letters To and From The Editor
• Thumb-Addled Troglodytes
• Ed-in-Chief Joins Staff Diaspora
• Jesus is a Crappy Dermatologist
• Action Jacksons
• News Briefs
• On Action and the Philosophy of Inaction
• Wacky Fun Whitey Meets a Bum
• Fed Bash a Spanking Success
• Point / Counterpoint: Actions and Words
• Horoscopes Will Keep You Regular
• Revenge for Your Shitty Housing Lottery Number
• Columbia Needs Real Affirmative Action
• News Quiz
• THEY Watch
• The Staff of 16.9

Words Speak Louder Than Actions

Mr. Davidson

Lenny, I can tell that you're a bright young man, and that you have a lot to offer the world. However, I don't think you're applying yourself in the right way. You are full of energy, enthusiasm and potential, but you seem to channel these qualities into negative, destructive areas.

Lenny, I've noticed that you have a lot of anger. I don't know if this has to do with something that's going on at home, but if you want to talk about it, I'm always here to listen. Believe it or not, I was a pretty, angry teenager once, too. Like you, I felt as if the whole world was against me. Sure, I wanted to punch out a few teachers here and there, but instead of taking my rage out on other people, I would write about my feelings in a journal, every day when I was in high school. It really helped me articulate my feelings and work through some of the tough stuff I was going through. The teen years are probably the most difficult period in a person's life, but I've found that words can be the best friend someone could ask for during that time.

You might think that keeping a journal is only something that nerds do, but I really think that writing would help you a lot, Lenny. Remember when you beat up Steve Goldblatt because he called you a faggot? Maybe if you had taken the time to write a poem about your frustration, you wouldn't have felt the need to give him a concussion with a metal baseball bat. The same with Shelly Simon - perhaps a short story about how she told Mr. Leonards that you cheated on the Biology test would have done more good than shoving her inside your locker and not letting her out for three days. I know I certainly would have been very impressed if you had presented a dramatic monologue about smashing in all the windows on my car with your bare hands, rather than actually doing it.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Lenny