• Join The Fed
• Advertise with The Fed

• About Us
• Contact

In This Issue

• I Was a Social Whore
• GS Day Care Caters to Non-Traditional Infants
• Tips for Keeping Your Room Tidy and Your Roommate Pissed Off
• Letters to the Editor
• Letter from the Publisher
• Marauding Interviewer
• Go Ask ALICE!, She'll Make You Feel Sexy
• The Page Five Boy: Carter Adams, InstaCeleb
• Power Couples of the Sexy 107th Congress
• The Perfect Comfort Food for When Your Girl Back Home Dumps You
• Martha Stewart - Living?
• Fed Quiz: Find Your Perfect Columbia Mate
• Homeless Style = Hot
• Amihotenoughtogetlaidsoon orwhat.com
• Third Annual Fed Date Results In Tragedy
• Environmentally Conscious Martha
• JJ's Place: A New Home for Campus Discrimination
• Wacky Fun Whitey
• THEY Watch
• The Staff of 17.3

When we decided to do an issue devoted to domestic living, our first thought was Where better to explore homemaking than Martha Stewart's alma mater? Yes folks, she graduated from Barnard in 1963. So on a windy Sunday morn, the Fed trekked all the way across Broadway to see if the school has been upholding Ms. Stewart's legacy.

---

Joann, BC '05

Did you come to Barnard because Martha Stewart went here?

Uhh.... no.

But don't you admire Martha Stewart? Don't you think Barnard can make you an amazing homemaker just like her?

Oh my God. You've got to be kidding me. Is this... no... I... I don't think I even want to do this. This is ridiculous. Don't print this.

Come on... one more question? When do you get your MRS degree?

My what?!

---

Christina, BC '04

Hi. Can we ask you some questions about Latina Heritage month?

I guess...

Did you know that Martha Stewart, famed Puerto Rican homemaker, is a Barnard alumna?

She's Puerto Rican?

No. But we heard that since she's such a big donor, Barnard is considering erecting a full size statue of her in the quad.

You're kidding.

Probably. But has Barnard been helping you to become a better homemaker?

I'm a new transfer, so I don't have any real Barnard homemaking experience yet... but I hear there's a mean knitting class.

Ooh. Knitting. Could you make us a sweater?

No, but I can sew a button on.

How about a soufflé?

Maybe my roommates could...

---

Fatima, BC '04

Did you know that Barnard is Martha Stewart's alma mater?

Yeah.

So she's your hero?

"Martha Stewart's my hero." I didn't say that.

Did you take your midterms yet?

No, but I'm studying.

So does the fork go on the left or the right of the plate?

Huh?

You'd better get back to work.

---

Shaina, BC '05

Did you hear about the Martha Stewart statue in the quad?

The what?

Since Martha Stewart is such a big alum, the administration is considering erecting a full size statue of her in the quad.

You're lying.

Just like Alexander Hamilton, who represents the ideals we work for at Columbia, shouldn't there be a Martha Stewart one at Barnard, you know, to represent the skills of cooking?

I'm truthfully a huge Martha Stewart fan, but...

So you want to be a homemaker just like her?

A homemaker? I'm majoring in economics?

HOME economics?

I don't think this is very funny. Like being a mother? Are you being serious? I don't want to just be a housewife and...

<An astute friend>: Actually, didn't you say that you'd want to...

Don't go there!

Did you take your midterms?

Yeah.

So then how do you make a good vinaigrette in five minutes or less?

What kind of newspaper are you from, anyway? I've never heard of it. Is this for real?! Are you from Columbia?

Yes.

So you guys come over here just to make fun of Barnard girls?

Well, that's not the ONLY reason.