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In This Issue

• I Was a Social Whore
• GS Day Care Caters to Non-Traditional Infants
• Tips for Keeping Your Room Tidy and Your Roommate Pissed Off
• Letters to the Editor
• Letter from the Publisher
• Marauding Interviewer
• Go Ask ALICE!, She'll Make You Feel Sexy
• The Page Five Boy: Carter Adams, InstaCeleb
• Power Couples of the Sexy 107th Congress
• The Perfect Comfort Food for When Your Girl Back Home Dumps You
• Martha Stewart - Living?
• Fed Quiz: Find Your Perfect Columbia Mate
• Homeless Style = Hot
• Amihotenoughtogetlaidsoon orwhat.com
• Third Annual Fed Date Results In Tragedy
• Environmentally Conscious Martha
• JJ's Place: A New Home for Campus Discrimination
• Wacky Fun Whitey
• THEY Watch
• The Staff of 17.3

Board of Editors
meghan keane
editor in chief
edward ehrbar
publisher
paul campion
head submissions editor
ted scharff
managing editor

Associate Board
noah luck easterly
liz gorinsky
julia green
jeff harris
tobin manackal
jacob mermelstein
amy phillips
ian sullivan
kate sullivan

Contributors
carter adams
john patrick ellis
ben falik
rachel feinmark
susanna fogel
ethan heitner
erika jurgel
mark kuba
matt lippert
mike noble
katie o'shea
ji-soo park
paul reyfman
ben schwartz
YSD

Thanks to
barnard, in advance, for not suing
anya
carter adams!! whoo!!!!
the built in bottle openers in lerner

*if you're reading this, you should be on staff


Any misspelling, grammatical faux pas, or other ‘mistakes' are intentional: they were left in for effect, and if that's not obvious to you, you're just not getting it. The Fed treats non-responses as affirmatives. We reserve the right to edit submissions for length and clarity. The opinions expressed herein are not neccesarily the views of the Fed. The views of the Fed are as follows:

I once believed that everyone should be guaranteed their rights to freedom while in the land of the free. Until recently. Now I think everyone should be guaranteed their rights to freedom after 7 days of intense probing and electric shock.

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