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In This Issue

• Jesus Spams
• Lifelong Lepers Supported
• A Porn Star Is Born
• Letters to the Editor
• My God Is Pissed
• An Interview with Daniel Radcliffe
• You Know, I Just Don’t Care About Floor Spirit
• Start Your Own Religion, in Four Easy Steps
• Flogging the Bishop
• Ask Professor Pete
• News Briefs
• Horoscopes: Like listening to a very senile Ben Franklin
• Drive-By Circumcision
• Columbia Student Is Next Plato, Columbia Student Claims
• Sin Big, Sin Real Big
• Top Ten Things That Make the Baby Jesus Cry
• CU’s Admissions vs. St. Peter’s
• Now Playing in Selected Cities
• God By Way of Drugs
• Jesus Saves A Buck
• Available at all Gentleman’s Daugerrotype Parlors
• CC Student Sees Shit While Shrooming
• THEY Watch
• The Staff of 17.5

The Barbershop Duo
First-time motorists Walter and Isadore drive off to the Catskill Mountains for a weekend away from their dry-goods store. Little do they realize the importance of keeping one's pistons well lubricated! When their old model-F breaks down on the inter-state, they are left with food, water...and some very fine spirits. After finding an old bungalow, they perform a most unforgettable rendition of "Sweet Adeline," proving that--sometimes--two men are all one really needs.

Potatoes and Goulash Volume 5: Old - Immigrant - on - New - Immigrant Action
There's randyness...and then there's randyness in the ghetto. Down in Hell's Kitchen, when the lasses start to lose that glint in their eyes, they know exactly where to go: the Freemason House. Are Masons running the country alongside Jews? Who cares! Watch as the entire lodge gives a whole new meaning to the term "Irish Breakfast."

Hot Tymes on Ellis Isle
From the moment that Yannis stepped off the coffin ship, immigration officer Emily knew that there would be problems. The immigration quota had already been exceeded for moment, but there was just something about this man. After the brief medical inspection in Bellevue Sanitarium, Emily pursues Yannis to his apartment in Little Greece--with a little grease on the boudoir. Can Yannis bring a little of Old Europe into the life of a workday career girl? Watch and learn while Yannis must study for his citizenship test the hard way, learning the real reasons to be an American: life, liberty, and the pursuit of gettin' it on.

Ms. Sousa -- After hours
By day, Susanna played trombone with the Salvation Army Spirit Corps.  Mary Ann worked the furnace room for William Randolph Hearst's summer house.  When the Salvation Army set off to save the hardened magnate's eternal soul, Susanna fell into line... and into Mary Ann's lap.  Late one night as Mary Ann is putting the finishing touches on Master Hearst's evening fire, Susanna thinks it appropriate to practice her diaphragm control.  Heavens to Betsy!  First the vote, then the slacks, then the unfettered lesbianism.  What to do?  Best to watch, and experience the wave of the future.