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In This Issue

• Happy VD
• I Want to Be A Matzoh, Matzoh Man
• Letters to the Feditor
• Lee Bollinger Asks: Are You Hot or Not?
• I Hate New York. Now More than Ever.
• Ab Electrocution Devices Found to be Shockingly Unsafe
• Waking up Gay On Sesame Street
• Lunchables for a Dysfunctional World
• Bad Places to Wake Up
• Removing Used Sex Partners is Simple & Fun!
• Columbia University, a.k.a. Outkast's Bitch
• Report from the Frontline-Dancing
• Anarchists betray the goals of liberal politics
• In defense of not defending - but instead attacking - TA Unionization
• A Crash Course In Punk
• R.I.P. What Bar
• Damn You, Nickelodeon
• Newsbriefs del Pueblo
• Pulpit Fiction
• Horoscopes? Why, yes. Horoscopes.
• Angry Cell Phone Guy Turns Me On (Real Hard)
• Fruitloop and Dandy
• Another View of The Fed
• THEY Watch
• The Staff of 17.6

Board of Editors
editor-in-chief
meghan keane
publisher
edward ehrbar
head submissions editor
paul campion
managing editor
ted scharff

Associate Board
noah luck easterly
liz gorinsky
julia green
jeff harris
ethan heitner
matthew lippert
jacob mermelstein
erik mosier
amy phillips
kate sullivan

Contributors
carter adams
pia ambardar
renata bystritsky
nick carr
dave danese
stephen grant
katie herman
matt hoffman
mike ilardi
michael noble
katie o'shea
edward rueda
ben schwartz
sarah m. shuwairi
YSD
colin speaker
adam watson
eugene wraught

Any misspelling, grammatical faux pas, or other ‘mistakes' are intentional: they were left in for effect, and if that's not obvious to you, you're just not getting it. The Fed treats non-responses as affirmatives. We reserve the righ to edit submissions for length and clarity. The opinions expressed herein are not neccesarily the views of the Fed. The views of the Fed are as follows:

1. Ned can kick Meghan's ass.
2. Matt can kick Ted's ass, but only when he fights like a girl.
3. Ethan refused to fight, the pansy.
4. Does anyone else find it a little queer that there's so much butt sex in this issue?

The Fed is a forum; views expressed in individual articles are those of the author and do not necessarily speak for anyone else affiliated with the paper.