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In This Issue

• Happy VD
• I Want to Be A Matzoh, Matzoh Man
• Letters to the Feditor
• Lee Bollinger Asks: Are You Hot or Not?
• I Hate New York. Now More than Ever.
• Ab Electrocution Devices Found to be Shockingly Unsafe
• Waking up Gay On Sesame Street
• Lunchables for a Dysfunctional World
• Bad Places to Wake Up
• Removing Used Sex Partners is Simple & Fun!
• Columbia University, a.k.a. Outkast's Bitch
• Report from the Frontline-Dancing
• Anarchists betray the goals of liberal politics
• In defense of not defending - but instead attacking - TA Unionization
• A Crash Course In Punk
• R.I.P. What Bar
• Damn You, Nickelodeon
• Newsbriefs del Pueblo
• Pulpit Fiction
• Horoscopes? Why, yes. Horoscopes.
• Angry Cell Phone Guy Turns Me On (Real Hard)
• Fruitloop and Dandy
• Another View of The Fed
• THEY Watch
• The Staff of 17.6

Keeping one eye open while asleep in the bed that is Columbia University.

1.  Six more weeks of winter?  Are you kidding?  We haven't even had two weeks of winter so far.  Are you sure you should have used the word ‘more,' you dyslexic little chipmunk fuck?  The Groundhog = THEY!

2.  I suppose it goes without saying, and please don't accuse me of pandering, but Mail Services = THEY!

3. Margaret, are you grieving
   Over Goldengrove unleaving?
   Leaves, like the things of man, you
   With your fresh thoughts care for, can you?
   Thus it was... Modern Poetry = THEY!

4.  The ones who rule the world with their corporate might had really swank hotel rooms. I crashed with a sweaty fellow protestor who kept calling me "lucky." The World Economic Forum = THEY!

5.   Lerner smelled like too much pot for a whole weeked.  And the lines at Cafe 212 were even longer. The World Economic Forum Protesters= THEY!

6.  Sure, the paper's getting better, but I feel cheated.  Lack of Space for They Watch = THEY!