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In This Issue
- The Spec Almost Led Me Into White Slavery
- Where Have All the Strippers Gone?
- Abused by Geriatrics Without Prozac
- Letters to the Editor(s)
- Marauding Interviewer
- Free to Speak? Shut Up!
- Where It's Safe to Sodomize
- Unionized Columbians Become Denizens of Primal Gangland
- CAVA Shifts Focus from Medicine to Profitability
- Garment Grabber Liberates Clothes From Floor
- Legless Pigeon Recounts Tales of Early Abuse
- Geek has +9 Indifference Cloak Against Discrimination
- Columbia Hits Me Where the Bruises Will Never Show
- We Have a Film Critic?
- The Future Is Now, and It's Pointing and Laughing
- Juice Review - A Mango Juice Odyssey
- Fed Favorites
- I Hate You Damn Happy People
- Your Pets Will Be Waiting for You in Hell
- Fruitloop and Dandy
- Wacky Fun Abuse!
- My AIM is True
- A Word from Our Advertisers
- THEY Watch
- The Staff of 17.7
Juice Review - A Mango Juice Odyssey
Jenga Master
We sent our resident fruit experts onto the streets to see what they could make of the mango madness that has been invading our juice aisles. We urge you to read these reviews, which appear in ranked order, before you begin that journey into juiceland.
Looza ****
Elegant floral aroma begins on the nose, and continues through a creamy mouthfeel and tantalizing finish. Thick layers of rich, ripe fruit, dried apricot, honey, and wet pulpy flavors are integrated in a smooth, full-bodied package. The aftertaste goes on and on, with lingering notes of ripe apricot, custard, mango, and peach, framed on a solid acidity core. An exceptional juice!
Gamma mango juice ***
A nice deep, golden yellow color with lots of butter and apple flavors. It is a light to medium weight, with supple fruit flavors up front. The taste is crisp and well balanced; the finish very satisfying. Succulent tropical fruit and ripe pear are the stars here - both on the nose and palate. Creamy vanilla, toasty oak, and nutmeg add interest and balance. Nice finish. Very good with shellfish, bottom feeders and other trayf.
Rubicon 'exotic' 100% juice **
Much like a watered down Gamma, with no pulp and a slight hint of candied apples or boysenberries. Mixes well with Everclear.
Orchard fresh Mediterranean mango smoothie *
Only 15% of this drink is real juice, and it tastes like it too. Our tasters thought at first that this weak-bodied beauty excited with a strong, sweet bouquet, only to be disappointed with its processed, cloying saccharine quality. Melon flavor with hint of Starburst and just a touch of citrus (tangerine, anyone?). Notes of mango ice cream, but the bad cheap kind, like from that lady with the pushcart on the street outside Fowad. A lingering finish almost led me to vomit.