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In This Issue
- The Spec Almost Led Me Into White Slavery
- Where Have All the Strippers Gone?
- Abused by Geriatrics Without Prozac
- Letters to the Editor(s)
- Marauding Interviewer
- Free to Speak? Shut Up!
- Where It's Safe to Sodomize
- Unionized Columbians Become Denizens of Primal Gangland
- CAVA Shifts Focus from Medicine to Profitability
- Garment Grabber Liberates Clothes From Floor
- Legless Pigeon Recounts Tales of Early Abuse
- Geek has +9 Indifference Cloak Against Discrimination
- Columbia Hits Me Where the Bruises Will Never Show
- We Have a Film Critic?
- The Future Is Now, and It's Pointing and Laughing
- Juice Review - A Mango Juice Odyssey
- Fed Favorites
- I Hate You Damn Happy People
- Your Pets Will Be Waiting for You in Hell
- Fruitloop and Dandy
- Wacky Fun Abuse!
- My AIM is True
- A Word from Our Advertisers
- THEY Watch
- The Staff of 17.7
THEY Watch
And They would've gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for us meddling kids.
1. Bad touch, schmad touch. If the ACLU won't take my case, I can always rely on NAMBLA to provide legal aid. Pederasty Laws = THEY!
2. I thought my constant drinking would be no problem, given that we're all blessed with two livers. Boy, was I wrong. Anatomical truths = THEY!
3. It's sunny. It's snowing. It's drizzling piss-cold rain on you in your t-shirt and sandals, and then you melt in the hot hot sun wearing your overcoat. Lousy Smarch Weather = THEY!
4. Someone once told me not to expect anything spectacular from Hollywood. That person has since burst into flames during a montage battle sequence. I know it's not really related to anything, but I just wanted to get my two cents in. Britney is the next great movie star! Me not taking my meds = THEY!
5. She says she only wants the paper, but I know she is really out for blood, maybe even complete and total world domination. I'll be damned if that bitch ever gets to finish the crossword while I'm still around! Evil white chick who wants to start getting Sunday delivery of the New York Times = THEY!