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In This Issue

• How to Hold on to Your Honey
• Gerald Jackson is Simply Fabulous
• Kid Gets 'F' for 'Fat' on Report Card
• Letters to the Editor(s)
• Glam Faux Pas on College Walk
• Cap'n Crunch = Pervert
• Frugal Gourmet goes Glam; Glitter is Cheap
• Screw the Superbowl! The World is Next!
• 50 Mindblowing Tips for Pleasing your She-male
• Necessary Knowledge for Proper Tape-Mixing
• Gone Society Whorin'
• There is No Message
• GLAM! Makeovers by the Fed Fashionista
• Whoroscopes for the Broken-Hearted
• Disturbing Lack of Glam on Campus
• Newsbriefs
• Prince reveals all, pulls pants back up

Hey kids! Wanna be cool, but don't know how? Try making a mix tape! Achieving just the right balance of old and new, popular and obscure, bet-hedging and name dropping can seem near impossible, not to mention varying tempo and style while maintaining a coherent flow! But practice makes perfect. To get you started, we've provided an easy template for a guaranteed winning mix; just use the following LABELS, bands, albums, "tracks" or genres in the prescribed order (use allmusic.com if you're stuck) and you'll be well on your way to Hipville*!

Title: Select 3-5 Words at Random from a Derrida text.

[* The moon colony where they send everybody who's too cool for this planet.]