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In This Issue

• How to Hold on to Your Honey
• Gerald Jackson is Simply Fabulous
• Kid Gets 'F' for 'Fat' on Report Card
• Letters to the Editor(s)
• Glam Faux Pas on College Walk
• Cap'n Crunch = Pervert
• Frugal Gourmet goes Glam; Glitter is Cheap
• Screw the Superbowl! The World is Next!
• 50 Mindblowing Tips for Pleasing your She-male
• Necessary Knowledge for Proper Tape-Mixing
• Gone Society Whorin'
• There is No Message
• GLAM! Makeovers by the Fed Fashionista
• Whoroscopes for the Broken-Hearted
• Disturbing Lack of Glam on Campus
• Newsbriefs
• Prince reveals all, pulls pants back up

So you've finally decided to make the big switch to someone who's made the big switch - who could blame you? More and more women are opening their minds and realizing that she-males make the perfect boy-girlfriends. At its best, dating a transsexual is like dating your best girlfriend - except she's got a penis! But before you go on your big gender-bending adventure, here's a few tips to keep things smooth between you and your man-woman.

Sexy Lines:

Between male ego and female insecurity you've got your work cut out for you keeping your transsexual confident and in the mood. Try grabbing her/his crotch, smiling and saying, "Seems like you have a package for me." Or there's always the direct approach. A simple "not to be crude, but you've got an awesome penis" will often do the trick.

Presents:

Roses? Chocolate? Football tickets? Action DVDs? Chocolate footballs? Dating someone with the best of both worlds is not without its advantages, but it sure makes buying presents confusing. A good choice is Calvin Klein's new CK Two ("a scent for a man and a woman"), or, if you can find them, a pair of size 12 pumps will show your new beau/belle you care. The new complexion-clearing hormone treatments also make a thoughtful gift.

Your Lover's Family:

Here's where things can start to really get ugly. Unless its parents are themselves transsexuals, you're probably going to have a hard time of it. The best advice we can offer is to build a complicated web of lies. It'll really be easier for everyone in the long run.

Your Family:

This is easier. Just tell them you've gone lesbian. We didn't say it would be easy, just easier.

Sex Tricks:

With all due respect, unless you have three breasts or a penis growing out of your hand, odds are you're not going to be the sexual innovator in this relationship. The key here is to keep an open mind, so just sit back and enjoy the ride. If you're up for a not-so-difficult challenge, see if you can find your lover's ‘p-spot.' Or just give lots of blowjobs. Everybody loves blowjobs.

She-male Don'ts:

Be careful, it's easier than you think to commit a transsexual faux pas. You can be sure (s)he won't take kindly to your pointing out that bald spot or five o'clock shadow. And did you really think you were clever for buying your woman-with-a-bit-more the "Dude Looks Like a Lady" single? A little common sense will go a long way towards keeping you out of trouble with your sensitive she-male.

So now you should know just about everything you'll need to enjoy a long, happy alternative relationship with a pretty poly-genderite. Being with a sexy she-male can be a bit tricky at times, but just take our advice and we promise you'll have more happy he-woman on your hands than you'll know what to do with. That is, if you can find one who isn't gay or married.