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In This Issue
- Columbia Dry Humps for Gaia
- Springtime, Nipples Everywhere
- Lerner Daycare Creates Funny Smell
- Letters to the Editor(s)
- Meta-Clubs on Rampage
- Lion's Cock Viable Alternative to Human's
- God to Spend Summer in Boca
- Odwalla Bars Make Us Do Dirty, Dirty Things
- Naked and Loving It
- Has It Been Eight Years Already?
- Shades for a Bright Summer
- Emeritus: Greek for "Fat and Old"
- Horoscopes-A-Plenty
- A Salute to Business-Casual Racism
- THEY Watch
- Wacky Fun Whitey
- The Staff of 17.9
- Take Back the Night - Gone Wild!
Meta-Clubs on Rampage
Thoughtless use of Greek prefix spawns new student organization organizations
Jenga Master
With Columbia's decreasing admissions rates, increasing SAT scores, and ever more homely student body, come new challenges and new opportunities. We have liberal discussions of liberal subject matter, Columbia history courses about the history of Columbia and George Rupp slouching off to Bethlehem to be born again, but now a new spectre is coming: the spectre of the META-CLUB.
"The activities board keeps pretending they have a 'funding shortage' and a 'coke habit' so they can't grant recognition to my meta-clubs and give me funding. But they'll have to stop delaying evenually, or else I will stage a teach in or a hunger strike, or mark their office as my territory by frequently urinating outside their door until they yield. The fall of the club and the victory of the meta-club is inevitable," said Jamie Killian, CC '04, a devoted member of the Model Model United Nations Club.
The first meta-club to be founded was the Campus Crusade against the Campus Crusade for Christ. Club founder Edward Prince, CC '02 described the arduous process he went through. "First I was ridiculed, then strapped to a tree and covered in honey. Then a hoarde of fire ants were released. Six days later, my petition for the club was approved." His experiences seemed to be fairly typical among meta-club founders.
Jon Barnes, founder of the Mock Mock Trial team, recalled similar experiences when he first tried to found his meta-club in the fall of '99. "I was strapped to a chair in Lerner Cinema and had a metal apparatus attached to my face that prevented me from closing my eyes. Then I was forced to endure 126 straight hours of still footage of a nectarine. Every time I see a nectarine now, I cry unconsolably. Its very hard to look at peaches, too."
The consensus among meta-club founders was that it is unfair for ABC and Student Activities to use the same principles in recognizing clubs as recognizing meta-clubs. "There is an overwhelming feeling of resentment toward meta-clubs, a conviction that we embody some sort of moral perverseness, some sort of [unintelligible German-sounding mumbling]." Ian Schneider, president of Men Against Men Against Violence agreed, "For them to judge our worth based on the criteria for the pedestrian clubs of yore is a bit preposterous, don't you think?"