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In This Issue

• Forever Remember, or Else
• 8 Bits of Subliminal NES Perversion
• Letters to the Editor
• $$$ for Golden Showers
• Caliente Cab: Giving Your Stomach the Bad Touch
• My Date with the Fed: So Hot it Set 620 on Fire
• The Absolute Worst of First-Year Quotations
• Get Your Smack At the SmackTastic Supa-Store
• Sleep with Your Professors
• Tired of the Same Old Masturbation Techniques?
• Hentai: Your Mother Is Crying up in Heaven
• Beefcake! Beefcaaaake!
• NSOP Uber Alles

If there's one thing missing from most cramped Columbia dormrooms, it's a certain amount of homoerotic tension. That minimal amount of akward fantasies about sweaty naked men can easily be attained, however, thanks to the Columbia Bookstore's "FDNY Firefighters: 2003 Calender of Heroes' (see Katie Herman's article on page 5 of this issue).

The truly fabulous thing about this particular item, however, is not just that it containes thirteen full-color illustrations of greased-up man-meat, but that unlike any other beefcake calender, you can feel good about blowing the money and the wad. Not only does the money go toward the firefighters of New York, rewarding heroes for their efforts, but included within the pages of the calender are three very special photos. Photos of those who died while the calender was being prepared in the tragic events of September 11th.

That's right. Your masturbation fantasies can now include the vague creepiness of, well, there's no real delicate way to put this, charbroiled beefcake. If this is not a tasteful tribute to real heroism, I really don't know what is. Salud!