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In This Issue

• Forever Remember, or Else
• 8 Bits of Subliminal NES Perversion
• Letters to the Editor
• $$$ for Golden Showers
• Caliente Cab: Giving Your Stomach the Bad Touch
• My Date with the Fed: So Hot it Set 620 on Fire
• The Absolute Worst of First-Year Quotations
• Get Your Smack At the SmackTastic Supa-Store
• Sleep with Your Professors
• Tired of the Same Old Masturbation Techniques?
• Hentai: Your Mother Is Crying up in Heaven
• Beefcake! Beefcaaaake!
• NSOP Uber Alles

Have switching hands, fucking your pillow, and using bath oil all lost their charm? Do you find yourself at one in the morning in the middle of a circle jerk with all of your roommates realizing that all of the whole-some Disney magic has gone out of it?

Well fear not. Help is on the way! Who needs to fantasize about sleeping with that hottie tease in your CC class, when you can just flirt with sexy Death? That's right, I'm talking about autoerotic asphyxiation, that harbinger of collegiate fun. Everyone's doing it these days - why aren't you?

It is a little known fact that when circulation is cut off from the head, blood rushes to your genitals and this can make you come oh-so-much harder. But wait, before rushing off to tie a belt around your neck and go at it, take heed. There are cer-tain safety hazards to consider in this, the most adventurous and fulfilling forms of masturbation. After all, people can simply die from A.E.A., like people can just die from being over-extended Columbia College or SEAS students. As Rupp would say, "Shit can happen."