Looking for new writers and graphic designers!
Come to our meetings every Sunday night at 9:00pm 5th floor of Lerner (near the student
government office).
All are welcome.
Buy a T-Shirt
Do you love animals? Or sodomy? Then buy a Fed T-shirt!
About Us
We have a long and storied history. Learn more about us...
Posted:
In This Issue
- Fat Virgin Screws Microsoft
- Fed Talks with Corporate Stooge
- Letters to the Feditor!
- Dirty Terrorists Go Too Far: Now It's Personal
- LilAmber.com: Legal Child Porn for the Masses
- Fed Fun Guide: How Not To Make A Bomb
- Shivering Shit Machines Progeny of Actress Ricci
- The SHIT
- Bollinger: Mixing Business with Leather
- Lashed & Leashed at CV
- 14 Year Olds Do It Best!
- Remember Sept 27th
- Girl of Petite Race Likes Small Place
- The Staff of 19.1
Letters to the Feditor!
Re: Orientation Paper
i just wanted to thank you fine fine people for your orienteering issue. brilliant, funny, true shit. i’m so very happy that there are some people on campus with some caustic humor in them, and i aspire one day to be among them. keep up the good work.
thanks,
david
CC ’07
Thanks David! You know, there was a time when no one sent us love mail. All we ever got was hate mail from Barnard administrators. I’ll let you in on a little secret: Join the Fed, and you can be a genuine, card-carrying PIRATE! Together, we can raid Barnard!
Yaaaaar,
Kate
Pirate-in-Chief
Re: Important Question
Why does the Fed kick the shit out of the Spectator?
Why is the Spec sort of the administration’s bitch, or cheerystepfordwife, or S&M submissive? I cannot answer your question. we just do all we can to combat it.
So we go out of our way to point and laugh at them.
Also, another reason that they suck is that they kill puppies. And they hate candy and love and ponies and sex and scary movies and milkshakes and clean air and subways that run on time. You don’t get much more evil than that. Also, everything that went wrong in this past week of Orientation here, it was the Spec’s fault. Man! They are EVIL!
Love,
Kate
P.S
I frankly think it no coincidence that the letters in "spec" can be rearranged to form "fucking tool."
Re: Hey Hottie
Hey, baby. I’ve seen you around. You seem pretty cool. I’d like to hang out with you sometime. I’m not going to say that I’m not experienced. We could, you know, we could get coffee or whatever. Whatever you want. I just, I think you’re pretty different and well, I think that’s really hot. So maybe some time we could get together and we could...I don’t know...I could write for you or something. So e-mail me back, maybe we could work something out. Just give me a chance. I can be really, really good.
Liz Bokan, BC ’07
Dear Liz,
WHOoooooooOoOOOohhhhhh, boy, THE FED IS GETTIN’ LAID TONIGHT!
love,
Kate
Feditor-in-Chief
Soon-to-be-no-longer-a-virgin
Re:
Re: I looked at your website and a tiny lightbulb went on
Oh! It’s short for the FEDERALIST.
I thought you were just trying to differentiate yourselves from the hungry.
time for a sandwich,
MARY
Dear Mary,
Once upon a time, the Fed was a political publication. In fact, we were a conservative publication. Back in 1996, we were restarted as a “paper without a bias,” striving to print the different opinions on campus that couldn’t be expressed elsewhere-- we still, in fact, would love to be a forum for such. It was a mere accident really that we strayed into becoming Pirates and a humor paper. Whacky, huh? Yaaaaar.
Avast! Saavy?
Kate
Captain-in-Chief
Re: The Fed
Can you take me off the email list? i’m only on because i won a date with kate the barnard girl last year and i liked reliving that experience for a while. not any more though
thanks
Ben Mills
Dear Ben,
I was that date, mister, and you never returned my calls. This years Fed Date at least cuddled with me after he severely flogged me. Sheesh. Well, who needs ya? I don’t, that’s for sure. I’m a PIRATE. Shiver me timbers! Pirates TAKE their own booty. So there. Yaaaar, matey. Yer trespasses will get you a one way ticket to the boneyard. Yaaar. Me crew is comin’ after ya’.
Saavy?
Kate
Feditrix-in-Chief
i just wanted to thank you fine fine people for your orienteering issue. brilliant, funny, true shit. i’m so very happy that there are some people on campus with some caustic humor in them, and i aspire one day to be among them. keep up the good work.
thanks,
david
CC ’07
Thanks David! You know, there was a time when no one sent us love mail. All we ever got was hate mail from Barnard administrators. I’ll let you in on a little secret: Join the Fed, and you can be a genuine, card-carrying PIRATE! Together, we can raid Barnard!
Yaaaaar,
Kate
Pirate-in-Chief
Re: Important Question
Why does the Fed kick the shit out of the Spectator?
Why is the Spec sort of the administration’s bitch, or cheerystepfordwife, or S&M submissive? I cannot answer your question. we just do all we can to combat it.
So we go out of our way to point and laugh at them.
Also, another reason that they suck is that they kill puppies. And they hate candy and love and ponies and sex and scary movies and milkshakes and clean air and subways that run on time. You don’t get much more evil than that. Also, everything that went wrong in this past week of Orientation here, it was the Spec’s fault. Man! They are EVIL!
Love,
Kate
P.S
I frankly think it no coincidence that the letters in "spec" can be rearranged to form "fucking tool."
Re: Hey Hottie
Hey, baby. I’ve seen you around. You seem pretty cool. I’d like to hang out with you sometime. I’m not going to say that I’m not experienced. We could, you know, we could get coffee or whatever. Whatever you want. I just, I think you’re pretty different and well, I think that’s really hot. So maybe some time we could get together and we could...I don’t know...I could write for you or something. So e-mail me back, maybe we could work something out. Just give me a chance. I can be really, really good.
Liz Bokan, BC ’07
Dear Liz,
WHOoooooooOoOOOohhhhhh, boy, THE FED IS GETTIN’ LAID TONIGHT!
love,
Kate
Feditor-in-Chief
Soon-to-be-no-longer-a-virgin
Re:
Re: I looked at your website and a tiny lightbulb went on
Oh! It’s short for the FEDERALIST.
I thought you were just trying to differentiate yourselves from the hungry.
time for a sandwich,
MARY
Dear Mary,
Once upon a time, the Fed was a political publication. In fact, we were a conservative publication. Back in 1996, we were restarted as a “paper without a bias,” striving to print the different opinions on campus that couldn’t be expressed elsewhere-- we still, in fact, would love to be a forum for such. It was a mere accident really that we strayed into becoming Pirates and a humor paper. Whacky, huh? Yaaaaar.
Avast! Saavy?
Kate
Captain-in-Chief
Re: The Fed
Can you take me off the email list? i’m only on because i won a date with kate the barnard girl last year and i liked reliving that experience for a while. not any more though
thanks
Ben Mills
Dear Ben,
I was that date, mister, and you never returned my calls. This years Fed Date at least cuddled with me after he severely flogged me. Sheesh. Well, who needs ya? I don’t, that’s for sure. I’m a PIRATE. Shiver me timbers! Pirates TAKE their own booty. So there. Yaaaar, matey. Yer trespasses will get you a one way ticket to the boneyard. Yaaar. Me crew is comin’ after ya’.
Saavy?
Kate
Feditrix-in-Chief