Honest Fred, who so adored the truth that he found fit to enthusiastically confirm it whenever it appeared on the pages of his less trustworthy companion, The Fed, passed away some time in mid-September. He was about 2.

The official cause of death is simply exhaustion, a common affliction among cute overused little graphics. However, The Fed is sad to report that the real reason for the passing of its dear friend Honest was a broken heart.

A modern day Cassandra, Fred always proclaimed the truth with a broad smile and the integrity inherent in a neatly coifed disembodied head. Yet it was his curse to never be believed. Fred poured his heart into such eloquent and persuasive speeches as "100% NOT CRAP!" and "This article is 100% true," yet many remained unconvinced. Readers were heard to make such remarks as, "Well, of course he wasn't really honest. No one named 'Honest' is really honest," and "Fred is just Fed with an R. I see through their tricks!"

Such heartless phrases pierced Fred to the depths of his soul. When he realized that some did not believe that The Fed had really interviewed Rider Strong or that a Florida mayor had really banned Satan from exercising power in her town, he wasted away with grief.

Mr. Fred began his work at The Fed in late 2001, when he was brought in to confirm harrowing story of Long Island boy Jeremy Steele's rise to porn-stardom. Fred soon became a staple of the paper, doing his part to persuade readers that implausible articles were not, in fact, crap.

When the first hints that Fred was not being taken seriously began to manifest themselves, Fred tried to adjust his image through the redundant use of the words "Honest" and "True," but to little avail.

Fred is survived by a little box containing the words "100% TRUE," about one month old. A memorial service has been scheduled for 7:00 PM, November 31 at St. Paul's. Refreshments will be provided.