Looking for new writers and graphic designers!
Come to our meetings every Sunday night at 9:00pm 5th floor of Lerner (near the student
government office).
All are welcome.
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About Us
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In This Issue
- Tom's Restaraunt
- Morningside Heights: Like NYC, But Not
- Letters to the Feditor
- Fed Guide to Internships
- CUicide and You
- Advisors? Who Needs 'Em?
- Housing and Dining Fun Quiz
- Attack of the Killer Barnard Blowjob
- Adventures in the John Jay Elevator
- If You Don't Smoke, We Won't Think You're Cool
- LERNER DELENDA EST
- Piss Off/On Your Roommate
- Fun With Fu!
- Guide to Your Columbia Nervous Breakdown
- THEY WATCH
- Comic - Stickman Theatre's Political Explosion
THEY WATCH
It’s not a question of whether, it’s a question of when. It’s not a question of how, it’s a question of who. It’s not a question of why, it’s a question of where.
THEY are coming to get you, sucker. THEY are behind every security camera, THEY run the computers that record every building you swipe into, THEY know how to hurt you where it hurts you most, and believe me, THEY will do it, because THEY have no scruples. THEY believe only in power, control, and fear. Every issue, the Fed publishes THEY WATCH in the hopes that armed with this knowledge, you can help resist THEIR merciless onslaught.
i. Even if we didn’t already sorta have a grudge against them for, y’know, sending us into an unjust war on trumped-up charges, slashing social safety nets, and blatantly turning our country into a corporate monarchy, on top of all that, now I can’t get to my favorite porn shops. For invading my city, Republicans = THEY!
ii. You’re numerous. You’re young. You’re sexy. You have not yet had your spirits broken by Columbia. You’re here to steal our precious resources, like alcohol, jobs, and the attention and love of the administration. Before you came, we were the stars. Columbia freshpeople, drink pus and die, because You = THEY!
iii. Other people are always telling me to turn my music down. Other people are always ruining my solitude. Other people want me to work shitty jobs to make enough money to buy food, and then they want me to be happy I’ve got a job. Other people make me feel bad for being awkward and dorky. Other people are cooler than me. Other People = THEY!