First Meeting of Fall 2008!
Sunday, September 7th at 9 PM
Lerner 5th Floor- Broadway side (near the elevators)
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In This Issue
- East Campus Drink-or-Treating
- Why Your Vote Doesn't Count
- Cheney-Edwards: Now That's A Ticket!
- Fed Fun Guide to Third Party Candidates
- Homeless Voters Choose
- Vintage T-shirt Democracy Plot
- A First lesson in Russian Swearing
- September 10th: The Adjective
- Letters to and from The Fed
- Zombie Reagan!
- Liberal Bias Alleged in Democratic Party
- Presidential Candidates Have Large Height Difference
- Lover's Lane Hook Psycho Mutilated
- Advice from the Manly
- Complete Presidential Debate Coverage
- Monsters of the World
- THEY WATCH
- Alarming Statistics on Brain Eating
- Ice Bitch for Election Day
- Where's Dick Cheney?
THEY WATCH
Third person plural,
coming-to-get-you pronoun,
It can only be They.
I. Once upon a time, there was this file sharing network called ColumbiaDC. There was music and movies and porno and it was all free, and though it was illegal, it was tacitly accepted by Acis and the administration. Then, one dark and stormy night, the evil campus student paper tactlessly publicized the network's address. Forced off their cushy leather chairs and contented inaction by the threat of imminent litigation, the administration sent the network to the Tower and clapped it in irons. Loose lips sink ships and the Columbia Spectator=THEY!
II. This past month, inventor Andrew Wilson of Branson, Missouri had his name legally changed to They. He thinks this is really funny now. But when angry nerds show up at his door with torches and pitchforks, deprived of their DC++ and crazed by their insatiable jones for cartoon porn involving girls with furry tails, and mistake him for a certain other "They," he will rapidly realize the error of his ways. To paraphrase an axiom of Aristotle, THEY=THEY!
III. Roger Ebert gave Team America: World Police only one star because he felt it was nihilistic and failed to take "the issues" seriously. But you know what? The issues are funny, the movie is awesome, and Pearl Harbor sucked almost as much as we love you. People who get "deeply offended" by things they see in the movies = THEY!