• Join The Fed
• Advertise with The Fed

• About Us
• Contact

In This Issue

• The Monkey Election College
• The Goshen, CT County Fair
• Freak Babies: Gotta Catch 'Em All
• Interview with author Louis Silverstein
• Animals, Placentae and You
• Letters to the Feditor
• 114th Street Rat Rock Exploration
• Bodacious the Rebel Bull
• Fed Arts Review: Columbia Unbecoming
• Mary Had a Little Lamb... with Potatoes
• John Jay Pet Deathmatch
• A Letter to the Columbia Gospel Choir
• DARE: 8 Ways to Say No
• Ice Bitch Comic
• Guide to Naming Suburban Housing Developments
• THEY WATCH

"The statists' epistemological method consists of endless debates about single, concrete, out-of-context, range-of-the-moment issues, never allowing them to be integrated into a sum, never referring to basic principles or ultimate consequences- and thus inducing a state of intellectual disintegration in their followers."

- Ayn Rand

This column will offer no further opinions regarding the recent presidential election.

I. If you've been to a computer cluster this year, you'd know that SkyNet is watching you. If you haven't been to a computer cluster this year, they're watching you anyway, and you don't even know it. And I envy your desktop printer. But just because the RIAA is a much more powerful lobby than you are, and just because the Patriot Act probably authorizes them to obtain your lifetime internet records just because you're a registered Democrat, doesn't mean they should put up big posters boasting about it in places where you try to do your homework in peace. THE "RIAA IS WATCHING YOU" POSTER = THEY!

II. On a certain recent Tuesday which will remain anonymous, I watched network T.V. for the first time in a very long time. First, some guy from Cablevision told me that the new Jets stadium over the West Side Rail Yard was going to cost the city 49 trillion dollars and cause Grandma to have to eat dog food in order to afford her medicine. Then a very loud, agressive, muscular firefighter told me that the new stadium would gain the city billions of dollars and thousands of jobs. I was soooo confused. Then a slender young woman told me to eat yogurt, or else I'd die soon of a heart attack. For sure, TV = THEY!

III. Next time you have a fever, or back pain, please consider that it could be meningitis. Meningitis is a very serious illness. It can be fatal. And while we're not trying to alarm you or anything, it's especially prevalent among college students who live in dormitories. Please either subject yourself to a painful injection, or else sign a paper expressing your willingness to die very, very soon. Your friends, Columbia and New York State. Meningitis Scare-Mongering = THEY!