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In This Issue

• Kicking Your Hamster in its Teeth
• X-treme Zoos Target Market
• Resurrecting the Chili Cheese Burrito
• Sonic in Bad Shape
• Journey into the Land of the Leopards
• Finding Boys Into Whom to Put Love
• Lions and Tigers and Bears, Go Buy!
• Murder Spree Continues
• Art With Dead Mice
• Puppy Love, the Wrong Way
• 19th Century Nursery Rhyme!
• Tender Moments with Bill and Reona
• Bibu the Baby Elephant
• Rob's Relationship Corner
• Marauding Interviewer: What's Your Spirit Animal?
• THEY WATCH
• Letters to the Feditor
• Thyroid Boy
• Interspecies Intellectual Masturbation
• Stickman Theatre

Matt Holden

Look, Bibu, everyone is sad sometimes. Don't be a jerk.

One day in the jungle, a baby elephant named Bibu got separated from his mommy. Although elephants are big creatures, Bibu was still a fairly little elephant, so he was worried. The jungle seemed big and scary without his mommy.

It started getting dark as Bibu walked in what he thought was the direction of his home. There were weird scary looking creatures rustling around in the bush, and he did not dare to ask them for help. After a while, Bibu started getting tired and went to sleep in a little corner.

In the morning, he was hoping that his mommy would be there to welcome him, but he did not see her there. He started getting upset, but at least it was daylight. Fortunately for Bibu, there was grass around him that he could eat. Once he felt nourished, he began to consider asking for help. He was getting nowhere by just walking around, but his mommy had always taught him never to speak to strangers because they might kidnap him, kill him, or steal his tusks. Being lost was kind of like being kidnaped anyway, though. Still, he was very frightened to talk to strangers and did not know how to approach one.

He saw a little bird up in the tree. Since he figured that a little bird would not be able to do him much harm, he decided to ask him: "Little Bird, please help me, I am lost!"

"Where do you want to go?" the little bird replied.

"I do not, know, I want to go home!"

"Where is home, baby elephant?"

"I do not know!" answered Bibu as he started to cry.
The bird did not know what to do about this crying elephant, so he said, "I wish I could help you, but I don't know how. I do remember some elephants stomping through to the East."

Bibu saw a glimmer of hope in this statement. There weren't that many elephant herds around there, and chances were his mom would be with them. He started walking East, and along the way he asked various other creatures for directions. He was not kidnaped or killed; all the creatures he tried to talk to told him that they had heard elephants passing by. A big herd of stomping elephants is a hard thing to miss.

Slowly, Bibu was getting over the fear of strangers. Eventually, he came to a monkey sitting in a tree.

"Excuse me, Monkey, have you seen a group of elephants pass by?"

"Why yes, a big group of stomping elephants came by not five minutes ago!"

"Oh! Which way did they go?"

"I think they were headed towards the watering hole!"

"Thank you!!" yelled Bibu as he ran towards the watering hole.

As he approached, he saw a herd of elephants drinking and bathing.

He scanned the crowd for his mommy, but he did not see her. He went to up to one of the elephants and asked, "Have you seen my mommy?"

"Oh Bibu! You're back! Unfortunately, your mother isn't here. She has gone out looking for you. I'm sure she'll be back soon. Stay put and she'll be back."

Bibu wasn't about to get lost again, so he waited patiently for his mother. It wasn't long before he saw a familiar sight approaching.

"Mommy!!" he yelled. "I found you!"

His mother told him that she came back right away because many of the forest animals has told her that a little baby elephant was following the herd. Bibu was proud that he was able to ask for directions and get himself back to the herd!

The End