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In This Issue

• Life After Graduation? You're Kidding!
• Touched By Tom Brokaw
• Mr. McLaughlin's Culturally Confusing Neighborhood
• Livejournal: Hardcore Gateway(TM) Drug
• Columbia Decompiled
• Looking Back At Evolutionary Monkey Business
• How Right You Are!
• The Fed Kidz Page
• Veganism Sucks
• iPod Shuffle Advisory
• The Great Debate: Tune In or Pass Out?
• Weapons of Ass Destruction
• Letters to the Feditor
• THEY WATCH
• The Blue And White

A Footnote to History
   Having randomly acquired a copy of the recent Fed, I feel it necessary to comment on the Ray Charles ad used to fill space in your most recent issue. I purchased the backdated Playboy that contained the ad from a store in my hom town (Allentown, PA) that my friends and I referred to as "Used Records'N'Pornography."
   In this store, there were not only remaindered copies of Rolling Stones albums and Playboys, but also the short-lived knock-offs called Play-Boy and Plowboy. The store was solely staffed and owned by a man who looked and sounded like the father of Bart Simpson's friend Milhouse. After buying the Playboy used in your last issue, I resolved to buy only backdated pornography that featured musicians before they were famous.
   Imagine my chagrin when I returned to the store to find that it had closed forever, and that a large stack of magazines were being loaded by some guy into a hatchback sedan. I asked the man what he was doing he looked at me and said, "well. The old guy is closing down, so I bought some of his stuff." Are you his son, I asked. He looked at me, a total stranger, and replied, "Look. I don't know what you bought from him, but I liked the girlie magazines." And with that, he shut the trunk and trundled off. Yes, he called them girlie magazines.
   I suppose this email is a cautionary tale against striking up conversations with perverts you meet on the street. That being said, it is also a cautionary tale against avoiding stores that are staffed by perverts you meet on the street: if no one shops there, the stores close down, and then what do you have? You have nothing to fill your empty space. Keep on keepin on, and support your local used bookstore.
Paul Campion
Former Editor-in-Chief

Response to Mike Noble in Issue 19.6
My dear Fed editor,
   I am have been an avid reader of the Fed for the passed five months. While searching for a school that I might want to transfer to, I stumbled upon Columbia (as if one only stumbles on an Ivy League school). After I came to the conclusion that I would never get in (Community College Transfer), I kept snooping around on the website. I stumbled on the Fed's old website and saw a picture of a stick man being sodomized by Columbia. I cracked up, nearly shed a tear. I decided to read an article. I usually don't read campus publications, they are boring. The Fed is grandiose, intelligent, witty, and funny. Not ha-ha funny, but "damn this is some hilarious shit" funny. Ever since that evening, I have been hooked. I read at least two articles a week. When I read the comic Blacky Fun Whitey, I was disapointed. I had an idea of where Schwartz was going, but being a Black dude in the South, things like that rub you the wrong way. I thought about writing a mean letter to the staff, or reporting to the NAACP as bigots, I even wanted to start a march on your campus. Instead I decided to let it go and not read the Fed anymore. My friends kept reading it, though. At least my white friends did. Both of them did. One of them told me on Friday that someone wrote a piece about Blacky Fun Whitey. I just read not even two minutes ago. I just wanted you guys to know that you got me back. Mr. Noble's article was more or less contrite and also reassuring. I am not disappointed anymore.
Ross L.

Re: 16.2 Statues In Review
Hi,
  I am Columbia College ('03). Writing a piece on William "Wild Bill" Donovan, founder of the OSS, WW 1 hero, CC('05 and Law '07), the whole nine yards. This will be for the centenary of his graduation.
   The tightrope walker, Revson Plaza, is for him. Wonder how many on campus know that, ( I did not) one of his past OSS types pointed it out to me. Perfect case of hiding in plain sight. Never know when a posting can help ! Thanks
SeaCJS@********

Re: 16.2 Pop Rocks
  A couple of people in my group have nothing better to do than argue about what the OTHER TWO boys said BEFORE Mikey started eating the cereal. One person said " He likes ever thing" and the other person said "He hates everything." Which one is it so we can all rest in peace!!! Thank you
MMzy@*********

Dear MMzy,
  As with the Tootsie Roll Pop advertising campaign, and Jesus' relationship to Mary Magdalene, "the world may never know."
Michael J. Ilardi
Feditor-in-Chief

RE: 20.20:boo
are u an underground paper or im dumbass? itd mean alot to me if u were underground,i was thinkin bout startin some misfit with an undergound paper,but i forget to attend class an lose track of school induced activities in other words - a lazy basterd. ps, i cant spell...love me' sue
elmersgoo@********