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In This Issue

• Fun Stuff to Do With Your Roommate
• Morningside Heights = Wormhole
• New York's Suprise Gift: Humidity!
• Letters to the Feditor
• Suggestions for Campus Political Dialogue
• Dodge-ing the Freshman 15
• First-Year Friendships Are For Fakeys
• Columbia's Least Employable Grads
• A Quick Briefing on Columbia-Speak
• Thirty Things To Do Before You Graduate Columbia
• CU is Like Folsom Prison
• Attack of the Killer Barnard Wymyn Blowjob
• Phil Steigman: Everyone's Class President
• John Jay Life Tried Without A Floor
• Some Stuff Your RA Might Have Left Out
• Housing and Dining Fed Fun Quiz
• Compliments of Health Services
• THEY WATCH
• What's a Fed Bash? Glad You Asked.
• The Staff of 21.0

THEY WATCH prepares you for your daily struggle against tyranny and oppression. It also makes fantastic waffles.

I. For years, the Columbia Spectator has been the Great Enemy, always in our sights, tools of the Administration and fools for any brand of cowardly dogma. So what am I supposed to think when I pick up their Orientation issue and see a letter from the Editor-in-Chief mocking NSOP and explicitly recommending non-attendance at a number of "mandatory" programs and activites? The world is turned on its end; there is nothing left to rebel against. But now I'm bored- The Spectator's taking our steam mainstream = THEY!

II. If state law requires that Lerner have a fire drill so that we can all practice closing the doors and leaving the building, why don't we just do it at 8 pm when the building closes and then not come back until the morning? I've always wondered how all those people in private offices and apartments can sleep at night knowing they're so much less safe than us. Fire Drills = THEY!