• Join The Fed
• Advertise with The Fed

• About Us
• Contact

In This Issue

• Positively Sino-Soidal
• AIDS, SARS, Avian Flu... Bean Curd?
• A Paradoxical Paroxysm of Pancakes
• Letters to the Editor
• International Yuks
• Après Moi, Le Corbusier
• Get a Free Bobblehead, for a Limited Time Only!
• The Sweet, Sensual Twang of Success
• Shut Up, Shut Up.
• To Sachs With Love
• Santa's Grottos Steal X-Mas
• Broad Goes Abroad to Paris
• A Lesson on Father Christmas
• Hugo Chavez in 2008: He’ll Crush Us Like Grapes!
• Martha’s Civil Unrest Tips
• Politics: Opiate of the Asses
• A Plan to Unite Humanity Without Using Glue
• Mad Cow: All the Cool Kids Are Contracting It
• Things Around the World on Which to Pee
• Trapped in the Closet (Deleted Scene)
• Mario Around the World!
• THEY WATCH
• The Staff of 21.4

I.  Often an incident of bias or hate crime in a community strains the relationships between its members and creates factional tensions that cause people to mistrust each other and consequently self-segregate into narrow identity groups.  Luckily, our recent campus vandalism incident was not of this type at all.  The perpetrators reportedly slandered Christians, black people, Jews, and homosexuals.  That's got to be a solid 80 to 90 percent of the campus - many of us even belong to more than one of these groups!  So I think we should take this opportunity to unite together, knowning that some stupid drunk schmuck hates us all equally, regardless of gender, religion, creed, or the color of our skin.  I guess that even the most boradly-targeted hate crime ever = THEY!

II.  When I was in high school, some teachers would finish the class material about a month before school ended, and then we'd spend the rest of the year watching videos.  Could anyone provide recommendations for any classes at Columbia taught this way?  It's the final push, and all you upperclassmen know the feeling - I want this semester to be over so badly, but I'd rather work 16 hours a day here than go back to my parents' for the semester break and meet my high school's other, less successful graduates every time I want a bagel or a cup of coffee or a fill-up at the gas station.  Ironically, both.  Work and Break = THEY!

III.  It's none of my business what Morton Williams pays their employees.  That's between them and the employees.  Except the invisible hand of capitalism works in funny ways.  Like maybe the employees could have spotted the mold hiding under the label on the $9 1/2 pound of cheese I bought the other day if they could afford enough food to get an adequate supply of Vitamin E, which is thought to aid vision in difficult envrionments.  A $9 1/2 pound of cheese?  Steep.  But a $9 1/2 pound of moldy cheese?  That's not very fucking upscale now is it?! Morton Williams' spoiled dairy products = THEY!