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In This Issue

• The Mighty Hunter
• The Orphan: Victim or Commodity?
• Sex and the City, Victorian Style
• Choose Your Own Victorian Adventure!
• Letters to the Feditors
• Lay A (Caucasian) Burden Down
• Missives From My Mother
• A Cautionary Invective On Throttling One's Own Fowl
• Change Comes To Constants
• London's Burning!
• "Green Sickness": For That Vintage Venereal Burn
• Dear Fundamentalists: Get Down And Get With It
• Fed Sudoku Challenge!
• Connect-the-Dots
• THEY Watch
• The Staff of 21.6

As you may or may not know, a series of violent and anti-western demonstrations have been occurring all over the Muslim world in response to a cartoon that appeared in a Danish newspaper at the end of 2005. The cartoon depicts the prophet Muhammad wearing a turban with a lit bomb in it (an homage to islamo-fascist terrorism) and has been reprinted in several European countries.  The ensuing riots have inspired ire throughout the Muslim world, wherein some have died, many a Danish flag was burned, and Western businesses and embassies were razed to the ground.  This is a serious issue. However, it is not too serious for The Fed to completely exploit it for comedy's sake. To that end, here are some other western cartoons you're your typical reactionary islamo-fascist Muslim might find offensive.

The goal of these cartoons is not to offend your average peace-loving Muslim.  The intention here is rather to offend those who have used this cartoon as an excuse to commit violent acts.  Muslims in general get a bad rap because of a few bad apples; that is, a few bad explosive-wearing-wife-beating-goat-fucking-islamo-fascist apples. Just look at TV's Monk, Tony Shaloub, who is a Muslim-Lebanese-American; he doesn't hate America, he doesn't hate freedom, and the only terrorist act he ever committed was starring in that horrible show Stark Raving Mad with that Doogie Howser guy. Unfortunately, however, guys like Shaloub don't make the nightly news. Maybe George W. Bush is right when he complains that the media only fixates on the bad news out of Iraq, Afghanistan and the rest of the Muslim world. You never see a USA Today headline "Police Station Does Not Blow Up in Central Baghdad" and then think about how many don't blow up on a given day in the name of freedom! That is the kind of good news you don't hear enough of.     

Then, there are some people who hate the western world and will use any excuse to riot and destroy: anti-Muslim cartoons, bad weather, the Packers losing or Rueben beating Clay for the American Idol title.  Also, these rioters aren't rioting because Muhammad had a bomb drawn into his turban. They're rioting because someone depicted Muhammad, which is against the Koran. That's bullshit. These people have no problem being called violent terrorists (the bomb in the turban). The problem arises when you doodle a nice picture of their god. Also, burning down western businesses that have nothing to do with that Danish newspaper is a faux pas in my book. It's not like the Middle Eastern chain of McDonald's replaced their Ronald McDonald mascot with an effigy of him sodomizing the Prophet Muhammad.  These people seem to have an irrational fear that the west is going to invade their county, pillage the land for oil, and leave a string of McDonald's franchises in its wake.  Now, where in Jahannum would they get that idea?  

What the Middle East fears may be true, but we really shouldn't dwell on the differences that divide and antagonize our two cultures.  We should focus on our similarities, like, well, ummm, just hold on a minute, I know there's a commonality here somewhere....I got it!  A love of hash!  It'll be great. We'll move the Coachella and Burning Man festivals to Tehran, throw one hell of a fucking party, and create lasting world peace. Let's just make sure that no one brings up the subject of Israel...