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In This Issue

• The New Spec Editorial Page
• A Sojourn to M’Ville
• Fear and Loathing with Jim Henson
• I Can Be Homeless Too, Mommy
• Letters to the Feditor
• She Says, “To-MAH-to,” He Says, “Bll-RR-gh.”
• The Hobo Lottery
• Fractal Tetris
• News on the Party Front(al Nudity)
• Everything is Love and Theft
• Loving the Mailer-Daemon
• Community Time
• “They” Continue to Keep Natural Cures From You
• Fed Bash - NOT! LOLOLomg
• Plagiarismo in Two Lines with Things Like That
• Senator Kennedy Surprises Attendants of "Ted Bash"
• A Letter from Our Sudoku Editor
• Hinden-Fed
• South-by-Southwest Tour Diary
• THEY Watch
• Staff of 21.7

FREDBASH A FANTASTIC SUCCESS: On March 24th, 2006, millions of Columbia students gathered for Fredbash. This unprecedented event or “riot” as anti-Fredbash neo-cons charged, was in honor of a man known only as Fred, or by his full name, Fredsam. Fredsam, our reporters gathered, was from the future.  Or maybe subspace. In any case, it was clear that he was quite drunk on both power and liquor but mostly liquor, having used his future powers to consume more than his allotted one beer per hour. The revelry was mildly excessive; in a fit of barbarism, students poured large amounts of scotch onto several rabbits which had been previously spraypainted blue, and then proceeded to leave to bunnies for dead. Some rodents just cant hold their scotch and spray paint fumes. They called it the ol’ "Scotchy the Blue Bunny": truly, multiculturalism at work. Also, I heard they set someone named Fredbill on fire. In any case, the administration has banned Fredbash on the grounds that it’s a threat to its mission to make Columbia a safe space for Fredbills.

FOODBASH DECLARED DELICIOUS EVENING OF DEBAUCHERY: On March 24th students across campus gathered for Foodbash! There was definitely food there… There were chips. And dip. And Cheetoes, too.  And people. Okay, okay, look: our journalists found this out, but they didn’t want to tell you—all the food at Foodbash was made of people. YOU ATE PEOPLE. I hope you’re happy. Communists.