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In This Issue

• The New Spec Editorial Page
• A Sojourn to M’Ville
• Fear and Loathing with Jim Henson
• I Can Be Homeless Too, Mommy
• Letters to the Feditor
• She Says, “To-MAH-to,” He Says, “Bll-RR-gh.”
• The Hobo Lottery
• Fractal Tetris
• News on the Party Front(al Nudity)
• Everything is Love and Theft
• Loving the Mailer-Daemon
• Community Time
• “They” Continue to Keep Natural Cures From You
• Fed Bash - NOT! LOLOLomg
• Plagiarismo in Two Lines with Things Like That
• Senator Kennedy Surprises Attendants of "Ted Bash"
• A Letter from Our Sudoku Editor
• Hinden-Fed
• South-by-Southwest Tour Diary
• THEY Watch
• Staff of 21.7

Plagiarism has gotten far out of hand. Students are able to use search engines to locate information on a wide range of topics. Once located, this information can be copied and pasted into students’ documents with minimal effort. Screwing up like this is absolutely atrocious! Ignorance is no excuse.

Let us explore this concept in more detail. Chapter 2 explores a plethora of topics including the history of plagiarism, the psychology of plagiarism, and imperialist dogma. Plagiarism has now become restricted to two islands off the Western Australian coast which are free of introduced predators. It can now thrive in "extreme" conditions, along with a closely-related species, the swampoodle.

Breaking the habit is difficult. (It took Mike Shinoda 6 years to write.) You’re going to inadvertently plagiarize someone no matter what you do, thus insulting them horribly, like so: You don’t frighten us, English pig-dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, you silly english kkkk-niggits. (Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries.)

The important lesson here is to learn how to do things for yourself, as we’ve discovered from watching too much Comedy Central. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.

This is a passionate subject for many. Is plagiarism the answer? Aye, there’s the rub. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous copyright, or to take arms against a sea of term papers, and by opposing, end them.

This is bullshit, motherfucker! Get those muthafuckin’ snakes off my muthafuckin’ plane. *ahem* So what if plagiarism were allowed? What then? We would need a new form of government to protect us from such evils. With elves, and castles. (Possibly some hairy-footed midgets, as well.) Instead of a Dark Lord, you would have a queen, not dark but beautiful and terrible as the dawn! Tempestuous as the sea, and stronger than the foundations of the earth! All shall love me and despair!

Anyway. If you plagiarize, it’s not really your fault. It’s someone else’s fault, because blaming yourself is bad for your self-esteem. So find a constructive outlet for your frustration. But who to blame? Times have changed / Our kids are getting worse. They won't obey their parents / They just want to fart and curse. / Should we blame the government? / Or blame society? / Or should we blame the images on TV? / No! Blame Canada.

Plagiarism is a problem that ranges far beyond North America. In fact, foreigners in distant lands (and our misguided media portrayals of them) find themselves being plagiarized all the time. An oft quoted Middle Eastern saying pretty much sums it all up: Bak. Derk-derk-Allah. Derka derka, Mohammed Jihad. Baka sherpa-sherpa. Abaka-la.

The introduction and rapid spread of plagiarism are big problems in our schools these days. And if children plagiarize their work, it makes the baby Jesus cry. Besides, it adversely affects their education. Now, we get to the heart of the matter! Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning?

But seriously. Our young and impressionable students face a whole new slew of slacktastic temptations, what with the advent of downloading papers over the Internet. It’s a whole new world of plagiarism, a new fantastic point of view / No one to tell us no, or where to go, or say we’re only dreaming!