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In This Issue

• The New Spec Editorial Page
• A Sojourn to M’Ville
• Fear and Loathing with Jim Henson
• I Can Be Homeless Too, Mommy
• Letters to the Feditor
• She Says, “To-MAH-to,” He Says, “Bll-RR-gh.”
• The Hobo Lottery
• Fractal Tetris
• News on the Party Front(al Nudity)
• Everything is Love and Theft
• Loving the Mailer-Daemon
• Community Time
• “They” Continue to Keep Natural Cures From You
• Fed Bash - NOT! LOLOLomg
• Plagiarismo in Two Lines with Things Like That
• Senator Kennedy Surprises Attendants of "Ted Bash"
• A Letter from Our Sudoku Editor
• Hinden-Fed
• South-by-Southwest Tour Diary
• THEY Watch
• Staff of 21.7

Above: Onlookers were shocked by Sen. Kennedy

Students were surprised to find Massachusetts Senator Edward M. Kennedy making an unannounced appearance at “Ted Bash” in the Lerner Hall Party Space on March 24th. The party, organized by another campus newspaper, drew liberals from both sides of the aisle on the far left, ranging from anarchists to communists to drunkards. When questioned by an enterprising reporter as to whether “that chick you killed was hot or what,” Senator Kennedy (D-MA) reportedly responded “I’ve had martinis bigger than you, dickrag,” and proceeded to foist the offending liberal over his head and fling him into the fair trade coffee table.

    Members of the supporting organizations proclaimed “Ted Bash” a resounding success, noting, “Look at the guy. Just look at him. Ted Kennedy is invincible.” Indeed, Kennedy’s strength and endurance seemed to know no bounds. After finishing a bottle of Brooklyn Brewery’s East India Pale Ale, the Senator proceeded to break it over a counter in Lerner Hall’s party space and proclaim, “You’ll never get me like you got Jack and Bobby!” Senator Kennedy later reportedly spent the evening face down in a cake.

    On the following morning, the senator gave a speech to LionPAC, mentioning the phrase “Brooklyn Brewery East India Pale Ale” seventeen times and the word “Israel” twice, once in relation to how they would find it difficult to export “Brooklyn Brewery East India Pale Ale” to the Palestinians if the ascendant Kadima party continued building what he called a “dry wall.”