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In This Issue

• The New Spec Editorial Page
• A Sojourn to M’Ville
• Fear and Loathing with Jim Henson
• I Can Be Homeless Too, Mommy
• Letters to the Feditor
• She Says, “To-MAH-to,” He Says, “Bll-RR-gh.”
• The Hobo Lottery
• Fractal Tetris
• News on the Party Front(al Nudity)
• Everything is Love and Theft
• Loving the Mailer-Daemon
• Community Time
• “They” Continue to Keep Natural Cures From You
• Fed Bash - NOT! LOLOLomg
• Plagiarismo in Two Lines with Things Like That
• Senator Kennedy Surprises Attendants of "Ted Bash"
• A Letter from Our Sudoku Editor
• Hinden-Fed
• South-by-Southwest Tour Diary
• THEY Watch
• Staff of 21.7

We empathize with student protesters. They are doing something with their weekday afternoons other than homework, which is a novel and interesting idea. We appreciate their desire to occupy a space safe from assholes. Unfortunately, assholes seem to pop up just about everywhere, and one general characteristic shared by all kinds of assholes is that They are basically incorrigible. They are people who no one, from kindergarden on, has ever been able to train, admonish, instruct, or command to behave in a socially acceptable way. And yes, They are certain people; They are not Everyone. Rather than institute yet another ineffective “teaching” session, the simplest way to stop Them from scribbling inanities on our walls is to institute a licensing system for markers. As soon as we figure out how to make one work for guns.
Oh. Yeah, and having a “Campaign to Stop Hate” is about the stupidest thing I’ve heard since we started having a “War on Terror.”

I. Drinking malt liquor outside is only cool if you’re not a member of student government. Sorry guys. Tradition=THEY!

II. My graduation robe is an ill-fitting $44 hospital gown. It’s a good thing that I’m not a Ph.D. because their robes cost $200 and look even sillier. The graduation announcements are printed on cheap paper. Regalia=THEY!

III. I love Wal-mart. I shop there everyday. I look better than you while I do it, and I spend the money I save on trendy synthetic drugs. You are a mindless corporate whore for leaving your Safari homepage set to Apple Computers’ website. If you’re on the subway late at night coming back from “downtown”, YOU=THEY with P{0.974}!