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In This Issue

• Water On The Knee
• The Annihilator of Mathematics
• Demonic Speak-n-Spell
• The Fed Interviews Jon Voight
• Letters to the Feditors
• Sam Jenning, or: Eating Children For Profit
• Immigrate This!
• Where In Our Hearts Is Carmen Sandiego?
• The Life and Times of Carmen Sandiego
• Redder Rabbit?
• Good Golly Fucking Gumdrops, I Like Candy!
• The City’s New Hot, Sexy, Superhot Nightclub!
• Where's Waldo?
• Logical Journey into Eugenics
• Think Columbia Sucks? It's Your Fault, Doofus.
• A Farewell to Harms
• A Farewell To Bill
• Tracy Briskit, Fed Queen
• Make Your Own Safe Space!
• Columbia Trail: Safe Space, Bathroom in 347 miles
• Cook with Barney!
• THEY Watch
• The Staff of 21.8
• The Staff of Volume 21

Kimi Traube

Lo, breaking free from the waves, former Layout Queen Alli Titman heads for less stressful shores.

Board of Editors
editor-in-chief
Kareem Shaya
publisher
Russell Spitzer
head submissions editor
Jamie Peck
the fourth man
Chas Carey


Associate Board
Hannah Rose Baker
Michael Bredin
Marissa Edelman
Michael Grinspan
Sophie Litschwartz
Arnold Park
Stephanie Quan
Kimi Traube
Rob Trump

Contributors
Alex Aaronson
Yoni Ben Tov
Ria Mar-Fan
Dan Haley
Mikah McCabe
Shaina Rubin
Andres Vedova

Staff Emeritus
Sam Jenning (EIC)
Bill McLaughlin (Publisher)
Perrie Briskin (Subs Ed.)
Addison Anderson (Subs)
Allison Titman (Layout)
Manhaz Dar (Editor)
Sarah Wanger (Assc. Board)

Any misspelling, grammatical faux pas, or other ‘mistakes’ are intentional: they were left in for effect, and if that’s not obvious to you, you’re just not getting it. The Fed treats non-responses as affirmatives. We reserve the right to edit submissions for length and clarity. The opinions expressed herein are not neccesarily the views of the Fed.  The views of the Fed are as follows:

1. Let’s leave childish humor behind us.
2. Worship the present, not the past.
3. BUTTS LOL.
4. Those who ignore the past are doomed to repeat it.

The Fed is a forum; views expressed in individual articles are those of the author and do not necessarily speak for anyone else affiliated with the paper.