Looking for new writers and graphic designers!

Come to our meetings every Sunday night at 8:30pm 5th floor of Lerner (near the student government office).
All are welcome.

Buy a T-Shirt

Do you love animals? Or sodomy? Then buy a Fed T-shirt!

About Us

We have a long and storied history. Learn more about us...

Dawn of a New Age
Issue 22.0: Orientation
Posted: August 2006

It's a Journal, Not a Diary

Orientation Week, the Devourer of All Things

Stephanie Quan

Stephanie Quan
"This guy on my floor always has, like, the dumbest look on his face."

9.03.06

Dear Diary,

I moved in. Yep. Finally here.

I can’t believe how much shit my roommate has. Who needs 14 identical polos, all with the same animal, only differing in shades of blue?

This RA of mine is trying way too hard. She’s talking about ice skating trips and “outings” to the zoo. Like I bet half those things aren’t even going to happen. She’s probably just going to end up fucking her boyfriend all the time in her room. Without protection. Whatever, I do what I want.

I’m kind of excited about the zoo though.

 

9.10.06

Dear Diary,

Do you ever have one of those days where you feel like everyone is just kicking you in the face repeatedly? And you don’t even know who they are? Yeah. Today was like that. Except that it literally happened. And I ended up in the garbage chute somewhere between the 12th floor and hell. Carman is so lame.

Yes! Mac and Cheese night at John Jay.

 

9.18.06

Dear Diary,

My god. All these freshman kids are so high school. Like, I was talking to some kid about Metamorphoses and he was all like “Kafka?” No, Ovid you dumbass. Like his name is written on the freaking building next to you. Like I referenced the Greeks. Like you are all so dumb. Like Kafka was so last year. Dung beetles went out with Marilyn Manson and Michael Moore.

Tom said he can totally score us tickets to Bleeding Relevation Syndicate. Which would be, like, double plus awesome. Reg, who has no idea about music, was like, “Aren’t they like The Shins but with lyrics that make less sense?” God I hate it when people when people can’t tell the difference between good indie-alternative music and alternatacrap. I suppose it’s not his fault. He grew up with freakin Green Day. Listening to that crap is bound to hinder any music taste.

 

9.23.06

Dear Diary,

Where can I find a 7-11 around here? I need a slurpee like woah.
Walking back from Barnard to Carman today, I saw like the most beautiful, mind blowing thing. This homeless guy was throwing away some bottle into the recycling. And as he did, the wind blew the plastic bag it was in in the most beautiful way. The bag was just, like, wafting in the air and I starting thinking about life and, like, socioeconomic construction and its impacts on recycling. It was if this man can recycle then like, what does that mean for the whole organic and green-conscious viewpoint? Like, where does the whole luxury health food angle fit in? It was such an awesome thinking moment. I think I have my senior thesis.

And then I walked into the weird Carman doors. Carman = so lame.

 

9.25.06

Dear Diary,

Last night my roommate came in at 4, drunk again. I hope his liver dies. I think he was babbling on about some party that’s going to be next weekend at the Heights. My god! The Heights! Not like you haven’t been there for every weekend of your life! What will you wear? Your blue polo?!?!

 

9.29.06

Dear Diary,

I got my first grade back from Lit Hum today. B+. God, I think my life is going to end. No, seriously. At least if you get like a B, you know you’re doing some wrong. Or if you get an A-, you made some minor mistakes. If you get an A, you’re awesome. But like a B+, that’s like, you’re weren’t good enough to get into the A range, and you can’t fix it.

 

10.07.06

Dear Diary,

Relevation Syndicate was AWESOME. Their t-shirts were overpriced. I hope they’re not getting corporate.

I bought one anyways.