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Dawn of a New Age
Issue 22.0: Orientation
Posted: August 2006

The Thinking Freshmen's Guide to Columbia's Libraries

Rob Eckhoff


  Booze Sex Group Sex Sleep Steamy Body Odor Peers Gentrified
Business Irish Crème & Coffee Public sex Bouncy floor sex Too loud Sold for profit! Professional peers “The Man”
Chemistry Rum 40% Ethanol Concentrated sex Coke-addled sex Chemically Induced Smells like toluene Chem Cunts No
Math 190 Proof sex We’re perp-n-dic-u-lar No nooks Just body odor Angry ethnics No
Butler 2 Mudslide Stairwell sex A must With Miram Datskovsky Smells like sex Over-worked peers Yes
Butler 3 Sober Balcony sex For the adventurous Inevitably Musty, wet chairs The janitors No
Butler 4 Red Bull & Jack Self-copulation Sophmores, ick. If you must Sauna Jittery Joe Yes
Butler 6 Have to share Grad student sex With old people With security guards Searing hot during day Just old peers Geriatric gentry
Butler Stacks Yager Uncomfortable sex After closing 2nd home Cool, and dry You are all alone Yes
Law ABC Art. 8 §126.2 Pen Tit.N §245.00 Pen Tit.M §235.06 Penal Tit.N §240.35.7 Try the med school Penal Tit.K §175.20 Solum jus alumno
Lehman Highly commended Easy & private Sex Discreet Next to me Cool, and humid A fellow cave troll Yes