Looking for new writers and graphic designers!
Come to our meetings every Sunday night at 8:30pm 5th floor of Lerner (near the student
government office).
All are welcome.
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About Us
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In This Issue
- Latvia, Land of Style and Lip-Hair, Too
- Liquids Banned
- Coke: Who Snorts What
- Hate for the Hate Squad
- Tales of the Inexpressible - Part I
- Al Franken Talks, Frankly
- Eggs Run with Claims of Cracker Nazis
- A Spears-Federline Manifesto
- What Goes on in my Head While I Get Paid to Pick Pine Needles out of the Gravel at my Local Country Club
- Hairless Man
- University to Fund Loan Elimination by Selling Drugs
- Proclamations from the Desk of Most Glorious Marshal Lee Bollinger
- Poland Ruined Everything
- Prez-Bo
- Tales of the Inexpressible - Part II
- Da Vinci Code Confirms Church Can't Tell Fiction From Non-Fiction
- On My Early Fame
- Able to Fuck My Anus in a Single Pound
- THEY WATCH
THEY WATCH
I have fallen. Watch as the blood of near-dead children drips down my still-gaping maw. I scream vengeance upon the world in return for the monsterous wrongs against us. Feel my wrath.
I. Pussy. Pussy. Pussy. I was just three times as offensive as a certain organization on campus. Want to watch me push it? VAGINA. Yeah, I took us to the edge of oblivion. We stood there, took one last look back at civilized society, and we jumped the FUCK OFF. Yeah, "pussy" doesn't sound so bad now that we're in vag-country. Way to get in trouble for being offensive! That's our job. BEING A PUSSY = THEY!
. . . vulva.
II. What's your bid? Three spades? Am I south? Are you north? Who is "we," anyway? Tricks? EVERYONE IS VULNERABLE? Why do only grandmas play this game? Sometimes, in bridge, WE = THEY!
III. Remeber the Jetsons? They had a flying car and houses on poles and some of the greatest shit I can imagine. I don't have a flying car, I don't have a pole house. But you know what I did have? The abilty to swipe a piece of plastic and get a sandwich. Then you had to take the only part of my fantasy futuristic life away from me. URIS HALL = THEY!