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In This Issue

• Facebook News Feed Charts Relationship's Ups, Downs, Wrongs
• Dr. Doom Next CU GOP Speaker
• Old Dogs, New SAT Rubrics
• Columbia U. Celebrates Halloween
• Cooch Drinks Hootch, Scootches
• A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Meanness
• Interviewing Marauder
• Escalators: Now at Your Local CIA Black Site
• Celebrity Trading Cards
• Real Parties for Which You're Not Voting
• Sound Advice for Celebrity-Starved Democrats
• A New PAC a Day Keeps the Devil Away
• Tables Turn on Foley's Accuser
• Five Senate Races to Watch
• Santorum v. Santorum
• Ten Things Not to Call an Opponent’s Campaign Staffer
• Forbidden Love
• Socialism Creeping
• CU Football Confesses Famous Losing Streak “Never Actually Ended”
• AVG
• The Fed Caption Contest
• Superman!
• Would You Know My Name If I Saw You in Prison?
• THEY Watch

Dear members of the College Republicans and ISO,

Your fifteen minutes of fame are over. Plase step back from the limelight, and reflect on how your self-serving rhetoric made the rest of us look stupid. Every time you spew your self-righteous blather, an angel is disembowled. Please shut up and stop posting flyers.

                    Love,
                    They Watch

I. So my bubba is kvetching about all the alter kakers harrassing her in her housing complex. It seems that the momzers have been making a tummel every time she wants to watch her soaps. OY = VEY!

II. I was unaware before I arrived at college that the real world doesn't exist until you graduate and that in fact, the very boundaries of the real world stop at Columbia's gates. So where the hell do you think the real world is? New Jersey? Please stop telling me "how it's going to be in the real world" because-news flash-this is the real world. PEOPLE WHO SAY "THE REAL WORLD" = THEY!

III.  Last but not least, the Man himself. Have fun getting elected to steal our money and to narc on my stash. POLITICIANS = THEY!