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In This Issue

• Confessions of a Dangerous Broccoli Head
• English Majors, Decades Later
• How to Spend Your Time After Co-Founding Apple
• The Cyborg Army of Death
• Salvation is a Prophet Away
• Chris Tucker to Play James Bond
• The Fed Point–Counterpoint: You Just Stabbed Me
• What Would You Do-ooh-ooh...
• Loose Lips Sink Credit Reports
• Bowling as Symbolism
• The Wonders of the Undersea World
• It is Imperative that You Spoon that Fruit Indiscriminately
• “They” Watch Reality TV, Drink Coke Blak for Fun
• Behind the Scenes at MythBusters Headquarters
• Good Night, and Good Luck
• Campus Bureaucracy Replaced With Rube Goldberg Machine
• The Seeker
• Tales of the Inexpressible
• The Most Trusted Name in News
• It Swings Both Ways
• They Watch
• The Fed Index
• King Kong Returns

From: hot4bots@gmail.com
To: exec12245@discoverychannel.net
CC: analexec1029@discoverychannel.net

Dear Mr. Smith and Mr. Smythe,

This next episode we hope to challenge cultural stereotypes. Due, we believe, to the immigration problem, people in America tend to believe that Mexicans fit better into the backs of trucks than people of any other culture.  We intend to test as many ethnicities as possible to see which has the best "packability."  A potential winner is the Tajik people, who have a large proportion of pliable midgets.

    Sincerely,

         The Mythbusters

From: execs@discoverychannel.net
To: hot4bots@gmail.com

Mythbuster Team:

Such a project requires air travel and tranquilizers, which we cannot afford.  Keep the ideas coming.

From: hot4bots@gmail.com
To: skeletonsinclosetexec12245@discoverychannel.net
CC: botoxexec10249@discoverychannel.net

Dearest Sirs Without Whom We Would Be Nothing More Than Peasant Entertainers,

Have you heard the ones about the dead babies? Like "How many dead babies can you fit in a telephone booth?"  The answer my mother-in -law gives is 300.  We hope to discover the maximum number of average-size dead infants you can fit in a telephone booth.  Also, is a blender really strong enough to get them in there in liquid form?  And are Tostitos the best way to get them out?

    Your artistic slaves,

         The Mythbusting Team

From: execs@discoverychannel.net
To: hot4bots@gmail.com

Dear Busters,

Due to vast technological improvements à travers the past few decades, an increasing number of babies worldwide are surviving infancy, severly limiting the world's supply of ex-living infants. As the Discovery Channel uses most of its budget on American Chopper, we cannot afford the lawsuits killing 300 (or more) babies would bring.

From: hot4bots@gmail.com
To: visitedunderagetaiwaneseescortexec12245@discoverychannel.net
CC: sameasaboveexec3243@discoverychannel.net

O Honorable Executives,

On the next Mythbusters, we would like to test the anger levels of Chuck E Cheese's employees. Rumor has it that they will shoot anyone on the premises after closing. We will send Grant inside with two children one minute after the doors close, and measure the damage when he and the children exit.

    Reverently,

         The Team

From: execs@disoverychannel.net
To: hot4bots@gmail.com

Geek Squad:

Grant is the token Asian on the show.  Any harm that comes to him would be seen as harm done to the Asian-American community.  And they're the ones watching.  

From: hot4bots@gmail.com
To: loudmouthexec48845@discoverychannel.net
CC: bigmouthexec90210@discoverychannel.net

To thy Glorious Producing Presences,

We would like to see whether Keanu Reeves is or is not mentally retarded.  We have set up a number of mental challenges that can evaluate his current abilities.

From:  execs@discoverychannel.net
To: hot4bots@gmail.com

Team:

Keanu Reeves can shoot electricity from his fingers! He will kill you! Have you not seen The Matrix?

From: hot4bots@gmail.com
To: execlist@discoverychannel.net

Dearest Sirs Who Wield Extraordinary Power,

Many children believe that the moon is made of cheese.  We will construct  both a rocket out of scrap metal from an automobile junk heap and a giant slingshot out of Jamie's back hair.  We will strap the rocket to the shuttle Columbia at Cape Canaveral when NASA is not looking. A C4350-XP detonator will separate the rocket from the shuttle at the appropriate time.  The detonator has been tested to a level of 65 percent certainty and will (probably) not affect the flight of the NASA craft.  

From: whiteyexec11802@discoverychannel.net
To: hot4bots@gmail.com

It's Limburger; my aunt Esther has pictures. But we do loves us some cheese....

From: hot4bots@gmail.com
To: execlist@discoverychannel.net

To the Strong, Powerful, Muscular, Well-Endowed Ones,

It just so happens that Jamie has silver bullets laying around in his attic.  Do they really kill vampires?

From: callmedaddyexec10394@discoverychannel.net
To: hot4bots@gmail.com

Leave the vampire killing to that shiksa, Sarah Michelle Gellar. No one wants to look at your boobs, Adam.

From: hot4bots@gmail.com
To: execlist@discoverychannel.net
CC: Mom

Oh Beloved Producers Who Glorify Our Worthless Lives,

A common myth says that cars without spoilers can become airborne at speed.  But what about bikes? We will construct the most lightweight bike possible with titanium-aluminum alloy and a precious metal made out of an element from the future we found in the MythBuster MythBasement.  We will then fit the MythBike with jet boosters powered by the reaction between matter and antimatter.  The MythBike will be pointed south-by-southwest to capture the greatest number of MythPhotons emitted by the MythSun and Alpha Centauri.  We will also build a slingshot out of giraffe nose hairs and a ski jump out of popsicle sticks-both will be entirely superfluous devices of which we will never make any use.  Kari will ride the MythBike in a fatsuit, and Jamie will comment intelligently on the proceedings while wearing his iconic beret.  

From: caucasiexec88123@discoverychannel.net
To: hot4bots@gmail.com

Scienistishs:

We're out of giraffes.