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In This Issue

• Lessons of a Dancer’s Life
• Fast Times at Our Lady of Mercy Elementary
• Gulati Talks Soccer, Economics, and His Evil Alter Ego Zubil Dubabi
• Bleeding Candy Sweethearts
• 79 Ways To Fix Your Iraq
• 10-Year-Old Reviews IMDb’s Top Ten Movies of All Time
• A Good London Drinker Thinks How to Drink Hers
• Tales of the Inexpressible: Kinematics
• Cupid as a Young Teen
• Unadvised, Advising the Unadvisable
• Tales of the Inexpressible: Bless Your Heart
• On the Web, No One Knows You’re a Scientist
• Go Ask Alice!
• The Big News from the Big Town: Hollywood!
• The BWOG
• Bored at Butler
• THEY Watch

Shaina Rubin

1. The Godfather - I liked this movie even though it was a little hard to follow sometimes. There is one really scary part where a guy wakes up and there is this horse's head in his bed. I felt bad for him because I know I wouldn't want a horse's head in my bed! I would rather ride the horse in a beautiful field.

2. The Shawshank Redemption    - This movie was long! I had to take a few bathroom breaks while I watched it because it was so long, and I didn't pause it during the breaks because I figured that would make it even longer. I still think it was pretty good. I liked the part where he dug a big hole behind the picture. I didn't like the part where he played music for the whole prison because he did not do a very good job of picking a song. If I had picked the music, I would have picked something that rocks, like Green Day! Don't wanna be an American idiot!

3. The Godfather, Part II - Another long movie! This one was even longer than The Shawshank Redemption. I didn't even know that was possible! It's kind of a sequel to the first movie (#1), but I think it also has some stuff from before the first movie. I was kind of confused by that. I think they should have just made everything in order! That would have been much nicer. I did learn a lot about spaghetti and killing people. Overall, it was okay.

4. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King - Okay, this one was really long, too, but I barely even noticed how long it was except for that mom kept bringing me meals while I was watching it, and I had eaten breakfast, lunch, and dinner six times before it was done! My favorite part about this movie was when the elf and dwarf become friends. It reminds me that I would like to have friends someday too, especially if they are not human, because humans can be pretty mean and are messing up the planet. Anyway, this movie is almost a week long, and will remind you that you don't have any friends. I highly recommend it.

5. Il buono, il brutto, il cattivo   - Okay, be careful on this one! They are trying to trick you. IMDb tells you that the name is this mess of weird non-American words, but really the name is just The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. I'm guessing they are trying to trick you into not seeing the movie because they want to keep it a secret, because it's pretty good! My favorite part is near the start when the good one helps the ugly one by shooting and cutting the rope they're about to hang the ugly one with. I liked it because the ugly one is a lot like me (I'm ugly too!) and it reminds me of what I'd like my friends to do for me. Right now people don't usually try to shoot the rope that's hanging me. They try to shoot my ugly face.

6. Casablanca - This movie is old! You can tell that it is very old because people and world issues were still black and white then. (I don't really know what that means, but it's what Dad says sometimes). It is kind of boring, but sometimes it's funny, like when the police guy says that gambling is bad but then somebody else says something (I don't remember what) and you find out he was gambling!

7. Schindler's List - This one is another old movie. Only one little part of it isn't old, and you have to pay pretty close attention. It is a girl in a red coat, and she must have come from the future. The rest of the movie is kind of gross (especially when you see a woman's boobies-ew!), but I think it's a pretty good puzzle movie to try to figure out how that girl time traveled. (If you figure it out or find any clues, email me at greendayfan AT gmail.com).

8. Pulp Fiction - This was one of my favorite movies because of the scene where they dance together! It made me want to get up and boogie! Some of the other parts were pretty weird, like why that half clown had a big red ball in his mouth instead of on his nose. Another part I liked was when they shot the guy from MADtv in the face. I would have liked this movie even more if all they did was dance and shoot everybody from MADtv in the face.

9. Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back - This was another one of my favorites. I like the parts on the ice planet, because my heart is cold. I wish I was more like Luke Skywalker in the part where he gets his hand cut off and Darth Vader says he is his father. Once I asked Daddy to cut off my hand, but he just called me a faggot.

10.    Shichinin no samurai - I thought this one was another trick like #5 was, and it turns out I was only sort of right. The real name is Seven Samurai, but it isn't with real actors like the other one, only Asian people. When they talk, words appear at the bottom of the screen. I can't read, so I quit after five minutes. I do not recommend this movie.