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In This Issue

• The Spec's Front Page (PDF)
• Matthew Fox Strips Naked, Insults Graduates
• Krishna vs. Christianity
• Last Book of Potter Pilfered, Rowling "Shocked"
• Secret Society No Longer Secret to Sniffer-Outers of Secrecy
• New York's Preschools Seek Swingset Leaders
• Bitches Got the Right to Shut the Fuck Up
• Before They Were Great Quotations
• An Inconvenient Truth Is Unsafe at Any Speed
• Spectator Copy Editor Shares Typical Evening
• Dancing Tops Crappy American Exports to UK
• Columbia Spectator: Op-Eds (PDF)
• Spec Staff Editorial: What the Fuck, Man
• Spec Sexportations: Delivering Our Children
• Spec PERSPECTIVES: Importance of History
• Spec: Corrections
• Spec: Letters to the Editor
• Prezbo v. Hamiltron
• THEY Watch

To The Editor:

    I was most dismayed to see Franklin Pierce Maladixon’s recent opinion piece, “Changes In The Core Make First Year More Fruitful,” in your otherwise erudite publication. Encouraging the addition of a “pansexual block” of Frontiers of Science would not only conflict directly with the mission of Columbia Health Services initiatives such as Go Ask Alice!, but also promote a distinctly unhealthy way to increase lecture attendence by, as Maladixon put it, “calling for volunteers.” I have difficulty imagining any young, procreating freshmen attempting “the act” in front of five hundred of his or her peers.  Furthermore, Prof. David Helfand—his majestic beard and hair notwithstanding—has never been clinically proven to be “a potent tribal aphrodisiac.”

    Such an irresponsible opinion with a sexual incentive attached can only lead to further difficulties and ultimately, long-term harm to both the fledgling program and its participants.

    In addition, Maladixon’s tangent as to his University Writing professor being a “fine piece of ass” was sophomoric and demeaning.

    In conclusion, Frontiers of Science should not be remodeled into “Frontiers of Sexuality,” nor should first-years demean and objectify the professors and instructors who teach the arduous University Writing curriculum.

Sincerely,

Marko Millard Filmore

The author is a member of President Bollinger’s Task Force on Student–Professor Relationships and a self-styled man of reason.

To Marko Millard Filmore:

    Blow me, bitch. You’re just jealous you don’t have 18-year-old hotties begging to take their clothes off in front of you. Also, that University Writing professor was pretty fine in more ways than one, if you know what I’m saying. Well observed, Mr. Maladixon! You get an A.

Sincerely,

David Helfand

David Helfand is the chair of the Astronomy Department and Frontiers of Science, as well as the current Number One Faculty Hottie.