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In This Issue

• Crosstown Traffic
• In Fit Of Pique, Teaching Assistant Projects All Hatred, Fear, &c. Onto Students
• Global Warming Is For Lovers
• An Interview With Don Imus
• Fed Guide to Supreme Court Justices
• A Very Federalist Guide to Your Overstressed Finals Season
• Classifying Joint: Looking for Owkr? Look Again.
• Foreskin Cancer Converts Millions to Judiasm
• In AD 2047, Spacetopia Debate Was Beginning
• Record Low Admissions
• Short On Cash? Try These
• Tales of the Inexpressible
• Awkward Man
• The Fed's Libel Lounge
• THEY Watch
• A Subscription Offer From Your Friends at The Fed
• The Staff of Volume 22

KAREEM SHAYA (editor-in-chief 2006-2007) is known throughout the Indian subcontinent for his vicious managment style which he used to modernize industrial centers with his iron fist of “progress.” He was also the gunman responsible for the death of Captain America.

RUSSELL SPITZER (publisher 2006-2007), when informed that his proposal for “urban pacification” in response to President Bush’s low approval ratings would earn him a trip to the war crimes tribunal in The Hague, stated “Oooh. Free vacation!” He then proceded to wipe out Des Moines.

JAMIE PECK (head submissions editor 2006-2007) challenged Mother Teresa to a fist fight. Jamie won. She will fight Ghandi, Abraham Lincoln, and a cute beagle puppy in the final round.

THE FED (your best friend, 19??-present) would never do any of these things and disavows all knowledge of the actions of its previous staff.

It also loves them dearly, and is very sorry to see them go, although it would never admit it. No one is allowed to see The Fed cry.

Good luck, former staff! Now get off our lawn!