Looking for new writers and graphic designers!
Come to our meetings every Sunday night at 8:30pm 5th floor of Lerner (near the student
government office).
All are welcome.
Buy a T-Shirt
Do you love animals? Or sodomy? Then buy a Fed T-shirt!
About Us
We have a long and storied history. Learn more about us...
In This Issue
- Lie-Hum: A Columbia-to-English Dictionary
- Dear Class Of 2011: Get Down And Get With It.
- Letter from the Editor
- Seven Days in New York
- Magna Carta Libertatum
- Portrait of a Columbia Hipster
- No Man Is An Island
- The Good Life, The Hard Life, The Drunk Life: A Guide To Columbia
- Facebook: The Great Relationship Historical Archive
- SEXILED! -- The Board Game
- Harry Potter And The Spoiled Finale
- What Goes on in my Head While I Get Paid to Pick Pine Needles out of the Gravel at my Local Country Club
- The Hierarchy of Columbia
- Tales of the Inexpressible
- I Love Global Warming
- THEY Watch
THEY Watch
THEY have no mercy. THEY have no remorse. THEY are the beasts under your bed. In your closet, in your head. The skies darken, and the chickens fly home to roost, as every issue, The Fed reveals who THEY are. THEY surround us. THEY WATCH.
I: 2007-2008 will truly be a landmark year: the cost of a Columbia education has now exceeded the 50k mark. Talk to any senior who graduated last year and they’ll tell you they lived in idyllic times - the grass was green, the girls were pretty, and the cost of an education was kept at joyful increments past $40,000. Incoming freshmen? Welcome to four years of 50k territory, bucko. College Tuition = THEY!!!!
II: You see that seedy shack across Broadway? It’s called the ‘Stend, and if you’re not spending each weekend rubbing your crotch into the closest blurry body, you’re pretty much guaranteed to spend your whole time exiled to your room here and by extension die old and alone. So empty that bank account and purchase a plastic swipe o’ magic. Getting a fake = THEY!!!!
III: Walk up the ramps, check your mail, walk down the ramps. Buy grub, walk up the ramps some more, walk up the ramps...uh, did I mention you could walk up the ramps? .... Pay attention, because you’ll be hearing this one a lot while you’re here: your new student center is useless, and there’s naught to do inside, matey. Lerner Hall = THEY!!!!