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In This Issue

• HALLOWEEN MUST GO
• Olay, Dual You, You Sunk
• Happy Gentrified Halloween
• I Humbly Volunteer Myself to be Columbia’s Resident Second Amendment Scholar
• The Noble Order of the Lunar Cradle
• ZAGAT 2007/2008 New York Metro Area Drug Dealers Survey
• The Fed Picks the Top Ten White Male Dance Moves (in no specific order)
• A Brief Illustrated History of the Drugs of White Males
• Correspondence From Mr. Shorefront
• A White Male's Take on Feminism
• Abercrombie: apparel of the young and elite
• A Furtive Guide to Pooping Around Campus
• The Continuing Adventures of Awkward Man
• Don't Wanna Go Home All Alone (no, no, no, no)
• Security Issues
• The Smurf Village
• Awkward Man in "Gullible's Travels"
• An Exhibit At the Creation Museum
• Columbionics
• THEY WATCH
• The Staff of 23.2

Abercrombie & Fitch debut their newest line of advertisements for Fall ’07, with a slight twist – no models. Instead, the next generation of television advertisements and posters feature several abstract works of art, illustrating the complex thoughts and deeper meaning involved in the clothes purchasing process. “We’ve already proved that we don’t need to clothe our models in order to move product,” says marketing director Aloe Veras, “but this progression takes us to levels we’ve never explored.”

One such TV advertisement consists of a faucet dripping in a public restroom. On every seventh drip, an austere face appears out from the ether and whispers the word “Alice.” In another commercial, the camera slowly zooms in on a toaster, as several clocks fly in and out of the screen, their hands rotating furiously. Without warning the toaster pops, the clocks stop dead, and the word “Abercrombie” slowly fades onto the screen.

The advertisements aren’t just restricted to the television - another work takes the form of an installation within the Fifth Avenue store. A woman, masked and in white, beats herself against the floor, wailing and periodically moaning a letter of the alphabet. Meanwhile, as shoppers continue browsing, a figure in a bunny costume stands on an overturned barrel, reciting the complete works of the brothers Grimm. “That one was designed to sell our line of cargo pants,” explains Veras, “but that was obvious, of course.”