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In This Issue
- HALLOWEEN MUST GO
- Olay, Dual You, You Sunk
- Happy Gentrified Halloween
- I Humbly Volunteer Myself to be Columbia’s Resident Second Amendment Scholar
- The Noble Order of the Lunar Cradle
- ZAGAT 2007/2008 New York Metro Area Drug Dealers Survey
- The Fed Picks the Top Ten White Male Dance Moves (in no specific order)
- A Brief Illustrated History of the Drugs of White Males
- Correspondence From Mr. Shorefront
- A White Male's Take on Feminism
- Abercrombie: apparel of the young and elite
- A Furtive Guide to Pooping Around Campus
- The Continuing Adventures of Awkward Man
- Don't Wanna Go Home All Alone (no, no, no, no)
- Security Issues
- The Smurf Village
- Awkward Man in "Gullible's Travels"
- An Exhibit At the Creation Museum
- Columbionics
- THEY WATCH
- The Staff of 23.2
A White Male's Take on Feminism
Words by Marissa Edelman
OpEd: A White Male's Take on Feminism
So one day my World Civ professor said something like, “Feminism is about choices.” All right, I get it. Yeah, I think I finally get this feminism thing that those women’s history major bitches and my mom are, like, always giving me shit about. Feminism is about bitches getting what they want. And I’m all for giving bitches what they want.
Like my dick. Any time, any place.
Fuck, man, that makes me a feminist! Who knew? High five, dude! But, really, chicks want all that nasty shit they say they don’t. Trust me.
Take this girl at this party last week. Talk about choices, man. She was some choice ass! So get this: we’re chillin’ on a couch, I’m getting my Natty Ice on, and she puts her head on my lap. Now come the fuck on! How is that not telling me she wants to blow me? She’s getting all up close and personal with my junk!
So I did what any feminist dude would do: I put my dick in her mouth.
Then she starts yelling about rape and shit, screaming her head off. I’m like, what the fuck, man? This ain’t Duke. How the fuck was I supposed to know she was passed out? Man, all I know is that I got some ho all on my jock trying to get with the Man of Steel. (That’s what I call my dick.)
So this is what I get for being a feminist, huh? Maybe those bitches in sandwich history – I mean women’s history – are right about all that oppression shit.
The author is pledge chair of Phi Mu Sigma fraternity at Kansas State University and is awaiting trial for rape and assault. His name is withheld pending additional charges.