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In This Issue

• HALLOWEEN MUST GO
• Olay, Dual You, You Sunk
• Happy Gentrified Halloween
• I Humbly Volunteer Myself to be Columbia’s Resident Second Amendment Scholar
• The Noble Order of the Lunar Cradle
• ZAGAT 2007/2008 New York Metro Area Drug Dealers Survey
• The Fed Picks the Top Ten White Male Dance Moves (in no specific order)
• A Brief Illustrated History of the Drugs of White Males
• Correspondence From Mr. Shorefront
• A White Male's Take on Feminism
• Abercrombie: apparel of the young and elite
• A Furtive Guide to Pooping Around Campus
• The Continuing Adventures of Awkward Man
• Don't Wanna Go Home All Alone (no, no, no, no)
• Security Issues
• The Smurf Village
• Awkward Man in "Gullible's Travels"
• An Exhibit At the Creation Museum
• Columbionics
• THEY WATCH
• The Staff of 23.2

Ria Mar-Fan

Spenser Silverstein

Spenser Silverstein

Spenser Silverstein

Spenser Silverstein

Hey everyone! We hope all you guys survived your midterms unscathed. Time to start studying for finals! (Who said college is easier than high school?) Sorry about all those e-mails we’ve been sending out over the past week, but Halloween is just days away and we want to make sure that everyone is ready to make this the biggest Halloween protest Columbia has seen! One of the biggest ways you can help is by printing flyers. Feel free to copy and paste from this e-mail to make your own.

SOME THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW ABOUT HALLOWEEN

Candy:

i. Most candy wrappers are non-recyclable, contributing to endless landfill waste.

ii. Halloween is one of the biggest causes of adolescent obesity in the United States. Reliable sources have theorized that Halloween began as a plot by doctors to increase rates of childhood diabetes (source: Alex Jones, http://prisonplanet.com).

iii. Halloween candy is RACIST: many Halloween candies contain milk, and it is a well documented fact that people of African and Asian descent are the most likely to be lactose-intolerant.

Pumpkins:

i. One tradition of Halloween involves carving out the insides of pumpkins to make so-called Jack-o’-lanterns. Countless acres of good farmland are wasted each year to grow pumpkins especially for this practice.

ii. Pumpkins are high in calories and are a great source of vitamin A. While people around the world are starving, greedy Halloween observers rob them of this nutritious fruit in their capitalist quest for more and bigger Jack-o’-lanterns.

iii. The practice of burning candles inside jack-o’-lanterns releases carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, contributing to global warming.

iv. Pumpkins are RACIST: Jack-o’-lanterns, which are crude imitations of shrunken heads, make a mockery of cultures who use such heads for spiritual purposes.

Trick-or-treating:

i. Children have been known to act maliciously while trick-or-treating, sometimes taking up to five pieces of candy when only one piece was offered.

ii. Many trick-or-treaters use a product called “silly string.” This releases CFCs into the atmosphere, contributing to global warming.

iii.Trick-or-treating is RACIST: the most popular Halloween costumes depict famous white people, such as Superman and Spider-Man. Almost none depict famous people of other races.

It is shocking that such a racially insensitive and environmentally damaging holiday continues to be celebrated around the world. Furthermore, the Columbia administration has not taken a stance against this spectacle of hatred. Join us in protesting Halloween this year and put a stop to this scourge on humanity! Details can be found on our Facebook group, “Let’s Stop Halloween THIS YEAR! (Columbia Chapter).”

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