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In This Issue

• The Sex Strike: Year Three
• Your Neighbors’ Christmas Lights & Personalities
• Excerpts from “A Jigsaw Christmas Carol”
• Festivalia 2006-2007 (Part Two of a Two-Part Series)
• Things to do with THE FED (besides reading it)
• An Erotic Channukah For The Hot Maccabee In You
• In A Land Of “Wonderful Christmastime,” The Seeds Of Discontent Form In A Chinese Drug
• Columbionics
• Inability to work v. Lateness
• Santa Outsources to China
• They Watch
• The Staff of 23.4

Sarah Levin

Sarah Levin

Sarah Levin

Sarah Levin

1. Spitoon

Living in the city can get pretty phlegmy. Make sure to carry around a copy of The Fed should your typhoid glands get the hankering to cough up some juice.

2. Kippah

My dad always keeps an “emergency kippah” in the glove compartment of his car, but when he takes the train into the city, all bets are off. Luckily, there are issues of The Fed all over campus, and hey dad, they’re free! It is our humor that has kept us alive for six thousand years, no?

3. Wallpaper.

You’ll look so... literate. Chicks totally dig that.

4. Diaper your baby.

Ah, the lost ancient art of diaper folding. I like to practice on a grapefruit. And yeah, seriously, chicks’ll dig it.

5. Grind a bunch of copies up, and paste them together into the shape of a tree. Back to nature you go!

6. Bra

You never know when you might need one, and because copies of The Fed are in most dorms, you’ll never be without one! Unsupportive? Maybe. Sexy? Definitely.

7. Lampshade.

Stylish fire-hazard.

8. Attach a leash.

Bingo! A new pet!

9. Hampster wood-shavings

How do we really know that they can’t read, anyway?

10. Telescope

Observe distant objects, focus light from the visible part of the Electromagnetic spectrum, increase the apparent brightness of celestial bodies.

11. Lick it

I think it has kind of a nutty taste.

12. Kiss it

How could you resist?

Modelled by Jimmy Boulevard. Wardrobe by Sarah Levin.