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In This Issue
- My Fireside Chat with El Presidente
- Jesus is Found
- Students Exported to China, Along with Most Jobs
- Facial Hair Suspected
- The Top Five Top Ten Lists of All Time
- Procrastinating Superhero Lets Gothamville Children Die Last Thursday
- The Fed's Slightly Outdated Guide to the 2008 Presidential Primaries
- Go Down Low, Lick Her Kent, and Fayherweather
- Journalistic Integrity is for Weak-Minded Women and Syphilis-Ridden Spaniards, Says William Randolph Hearst
- Get Your Artistic Freak On
- A Pictorial Representation of the Night of the Fed Bash
- Subway Seat Sacrifices: How to Prioritize?
- Still from “George Orwell’s 1984 (2008 Movie Adaptation)”
- "Female Sexuality" - A Research Report by Brian Greenberg, 6th Grade
- Ne-Yo Colonialism: A Foray into the Celebrity Psyche
- Crisis Hits Campus, Students Respond in Reasoned and Rational Manner, Fair and Balanced Dialogue Follows
- Three Millennia Later: Yo' Mama Jokes Still Fresh!
- THEY WATCH
- The Staff of 23.5
The Fed's Slightly Outdated Guide to the 2008 Presidential Primaries
Michael Grinspan
Despite the presidential field narrowing down to two candidates on either side, many Americans are still deeply unhappy with the potential candidates presented to them by each party. This disappointment is due to the fact that all the major candidates possess a critical, deal-breaking flaw. Hillary Clinton, despite her experience and competence, is an unsympathetic robot. Barack Obama, the supposed hope of a new generation, desperately lacks experience. John McCain, the maverick, independent-minded war hero, is perhaps too old to run for the highest office in the land. And Mitt Romney, is, how shall I put this, Frankenstein’s monster. But don’t worry ladies and gentlemen; I know how these candidates can turn themselves around...