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In This Issue

• The Colombia Daily Spectador Front Page
• Spec: Cabinet Secretaries Disappointed With Their Careers
• Spec: Hugs for the Homeless Hopes To Be A Success
• Spec: Unrecommended Student Requests Letters of Recommendation
• Grilled Cheese Honored
• Elliot Spitzer = Sex Machine
• Here's a Fairy Tale That Cracks Us Up
• The Colombia Spec Op-Ed Section
• Spec Op-Ed: Juicy Campus is seriously the Best Thing Ev-ar!
• Spec Op-Ed: I Don't Care About Manhattanville
• Spec Op-Ed: Staff Editorial -- We Have Opinions
• Spec Op-Ed: Letters to the Editor
• They Watch
• The Staff of 23.6

The sentiments of prominent members of the Presidential Cabinet were echoed yesterday by Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson, who muttered to someone listening, “I had no idea 30 years of economics studies would culminate in a job as a secretary.”

Recently, many ranking public figures have been sighted sharing their deepest feelings and giving voice to their depression. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was noted crying on Capital Hall about how she had nothing to put on a resume, how her parents are simply unable to brag about her at parties like the other parents whose son is that doctor, or how she has never been able to curb the endless demands to “take a message” or to be put through to, say, The President of the State.

Ms. Rice fielded questions at a news conference yesterday saying that racial discrimination had preselected her career the day she was born. “I just...” she stammered, “thought I could do better.”

Asked similar questions, SECDEF Robert Gates dropped his head in his hands and refused to look up. His shoulders rose and fell in an erratic pattern for the remainder of the conference.

In related news, Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff annouced he is happy with his career choice.