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In This Issue

• Go Green: All the Cool Kids Do It
• At CU, You Are Where You Live
• Letter from the Feditor
• Portrait of a Columbia Hipster
• A Sneak Peek at Barnardʼs New Vag
• Facebook News Feed Charts Relationshipʼs Ups, Downs, Wrongs
• The Hierarchy of Columbia
• THE FED’s Primer on Columbia-Speak
• SEXILED! -- The Board Game
• Magna Carta Libertatum
• Point-Counterpoint: My Roommate Keeps Having Sex in Our Room While I’m There
• Dear Freshmen: How Right You Are!
• Your handy-dandy guide to Morningside Heights!
• Handy Dandy ID
• From the Desk of NSOP
• A Public Service Announcement
• The Fed Exclusive: Butler Library Gives Interview for the First Time in 74 Years
• THEY Watch
• The Staff

Butler Library may not mean much to new freshman, but those of us who are more experienced in these things, know that Butler is more than a library, it’s a way of life. And now for the first time ever, The Fed has managed to obtain an exclusive interview with the prestigious Butler Library.

Adam Weiler: First of all, Mr. Butler, I’d like to thank you for agreeing to this interview, it means a lot to The Fed and to our readers.

Butler Library:

Adam Weiler: Wait, I’m sorry for my ignorance, but it is Mr. Butler correct? I mean I assumed that since you are a Columbia building that you are male. But the truth is; I'm not very good at anatomy. But it’s Mister, correct?

B.L.:

A.W.: Mrs.?

B.L.:

A.W.: Ms.?

B.L.:

A.W.: Um, well sex does not define us, so I’ll move on.

B.L.:

A.W.: According to Wikipedia you were completed in 1934, which makes you about 74 years old.

B.L.:

A.W.: Not that you look it of course, you look great, not a day over thirty.

B.L.:

A.W.: I mean not a day over twenty, seriously you look wonderful.

B.L.:

A.W.: Not that I am hitting on you or anything.

B.L.:

A.W.: Of course, you can always say no, I don’t want to force you or anything, “take back the night” and all that.

B.L.:

A.W.: Well, anyways, a lot of our readers have always been curious about your personal life. There are rumors that you and Lerner Hall are an item. Do you care to comment?

B.L.:

A.W.: Okay, okay, you have a right to privacy, I respect that.

B.L.:

A.W.: Let’s talk about the students, shall we?

B.L.:

A.W.: Um, well, what are your impressions of the students here, especially those who use you?

B.L.:

A.W.: I am of course referring to the people who study in you. I don’t mean the people who hook up in your stacks. That’s very crass and juvenile.

B.L.:

A.W.: I assure you that I have never, ever hooked up in your stacks, I have self respect and I respect you.

B.L.:

A.W. : Okay, I admit, that stain on the wall is mine.

B.L.:

A.W.: However, in my defense, I was trying to explain Finnegan’s Wake to someone.

B.L.:

(End of Interview)