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In This Issue

• Go Green: All the Cool Kids Do It
• At CU, You Are Where You Live
• Letter from the Feditor
• Portrait of a Columbia Hipster
• A Sneak Peek at Barnardʼs New Vag
• Facebook News Feed Charts Relationshipʼs Ups, Downs, Wrongs
• The Hierarchy of Columbia
• THE FED’s Primer on Columbia-Speak
• SEXILED! -- The Board Game
• Magna Carta Libertatum
• Point-Counterpoint: My Roommate Keeps Having Sex in Our Room While I’m There
• Dear Freshmen: How Right You Are!
• Your handy-dandy guide to Morningside Heights!
• Handy Dandy ID
• From the Desk of NSOP
• A Public Service Announcement
• The Fed Exclusive: Butler Library Gives Interview for the First Time in 74 Years
• THEY Watch
• The Staff

Controversy (n) : Anything about which anyone is upset. Therefore, everything is a controversy, whether it results in student protests and administrative action, or mild discomfort in the men’s room on the 6th floor of Furnald. And if the 6th floor of Furnald still smells the next day, do you know what that is? Yep, controversy.

Expansion (n) : See Gentrification.

Gentrification (n) : When white people move into a neighborhood. See Controversy.

Intimidation (n) : When a professor says something with which you disagree. See Academic Freedom.

Academic Freedom (n) : Your professor’s right to say things with which you disagree.

Grievance (n) : A university-supported method of recourse against professors who say things with which you disagree. Considerably less effective and satisfying as giving said professor a wedgie.

Ad Hoc (adj) : Latin term meaning “Hey look over there!”

Core (adj) : Refers to a relic of the days when a working knowledge of classics and medieval philosophy was somehow important in the real world.

Greek (adj) : Of or having to do with any of a number of selective societies where participants are abnormally socialized in gender-restricted environments that promote objectification of the self and others. Can also indicate presence of souvlaki.

Student Government (proper n) : An extension of the university’s interests disguised as your peers.

Activities Board at Columbia (proper n) : An extension of the university’s interests disguised as your peers.

Student Development and Activities (proper n) : An extension of the university’s interests (undisguised).

Lee C. Bollinger (person) : A human smokescreen. See Ad Hoc.

Debora Spar (person) : An extension of the university’s interests disguised as the president of Barnard.

Engineer (n) : The butt of a joke.

Engineer (v) : To construct a bong out of a soda bottle and a couple toilet paper rolls.

Advise (v) : To not help.

New Student Orientation Program (n) : How older students figure out the sexual orientation of new students.

Morningside Heights (place) : Where you live.

Harlem (place) : Where you say you live.

Columbia University (proper n) : Where you go to school.

Uptown (place) : Where you say you go to school in order to avoid looking and sounding naïve, sheltered, or privileged.

Privilege (n) : A bad thing.

Privileged (adj) : You.