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In This Issue

• Go Green: All the Cool Kids Do It
• At CU, You Are Where You Live
• Letter from the Feditor
• Portrait of a Columbia Hipster
• A Sneak Peek at Barnardʼs New Vag
• Facebook News Feed Charts Relationshipʼs Ups, Downs, Wrongs
• The Hierarchy of Columbia
• THE FED’s Primer on Columbia-Speak
• SEXILED! -- The Board Game
• Magna Carta Libertatum
• Point-Counterpoint: My Roommate Keeps Having Sex in Our Room While I’m There
• Dear Freshmen: How Right You Are!
• Your handy-dandy guide to Morningside Heights!
• Handy Dandy ID
• From the Desk of NSOP
• A Public Service Announcement
• The Fed Exclusive: Butler Library Gives Interview for the First Time in 74 Years
• THEY Watch
• The Staff

Welcome to Columbia

Well, hey there.

“Welcome to Columbia,” your tour guide might have said when you first visited our fair campus. “You are now standing in Low Library... which is not actually a library at all.” What’s that? The library is not a library? And it was thus the four-year mindfuck with your beloved Alma Mater began.

Indeed, Welcome to Columbia, where the library isn’t a library and, as you’ve probably discovered by now, nothing is quite what you expect it to be. Take The Fed, for instance. We were founded in 1986, according to Fed lore, “by a libertarian, a conservative, and a socialist (although no one knows which was which)” as a forum for unbiased and serious political commentary. As you probably noticed (see page 1 in case you didn’t), something went very wrong along the way.

Over twenty years of unrestrained debauchery, excessive drinking, and rampant inbreeding have resulted in the twelve pages of wood pulp in your hands and the black ink bleeding onto your fingertips. (I’m sorry about that.)

Currently, The Fed is the “Alternative and Satirical Newspaper” of Columbia. It’s a place where irreverent journalism bumps elbows with pure irreverence. In these pages, offbeat investigative stories and strange-but-true reporting stand side by side with outrageous cartoons, scintillating satire, and the just plain wrong.

And that’s where you come in. The Fed is always looking for new faces. If you’re interested in writing, editing, drawing, web design, layout, or even just hanging out (we have a nifty office), then we’re interested in you.

I hope to see you at our first meeting this Sunday. Things at Columbia only get stranger from here. And we’d love to be the ones shaking our heads and laughing right along with you.

—Sam Reisman, Feditor-in-Chief

FIRST MEETING
Sunday, September 7th, 9 PM
Lerner 5th Floor - Broadway Side
e-mail: thefed@columbia.edu