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In This Issue

• Go Green: All the Cool Kids Do It
• At CU, You Are Where You Live
• Letter from the Feditor
• Portrait of a Columbia Hipster
• A Sneak Peek at Barnardʼs New Vag
• Facebook News Feed Charts Relationshipʼs Ups, Downs, Wrongs
• The Hierarchy of Columbia
• THE FED’s Primer on Columbia-Speak
• SEXILED! -- The Board Game
• Magna Carta Libertatum
• Point-Counterpoint: My Roommate Keeps Having Sex in Our Room While I’m There
• Dear Freshmen: How Right You Are!
• Your handy-dandy guide to Morningside Heights!
• Handy Dandy ID
• From the Desk of NSOP
• A Public Service Announcement
• The Fed Exclusive: Butler Library Gives Interview for the First Time in 74 Years
• THEY Watch
• The Staff

Sarah Levin

Recently, Barnard informed students, faculty, and alumnae that our new student center will named after the building’s largest contributor: the Vagelos family—owners of The Vagelos Shaving Cream Company, Vagelos Frozen Fish Sticks, and most recently VagWeb, a photo sharing website. To reflect the business interests of the Vagelos Empire more accurately, Barnard has decided to alter its plans for the new Nexus, or as I like to call it, the “Vag”.

The school intends to make the Vag as spacious and multi-functional as possible. We’ve been told that the top-secret-super-awesome plans call for small oval-shaped lounges at the end of long, curving spacious hallways and staircases, as well as a large deep-set multipurpose space in the middle of the building. “We cannot wait to see what students decide to implant there,” said SGA president Susan B. Antonioni. “The space will be cleared monthly, so every student will get her chance to take advantage of the heart of the Vag.”

Despite overwhelming criticism, Barnard has maintained its intention to build a rooftop lawn on the Vag. “Obviously it will be mowed and trimmed regularly to assuage aesthetic concerns. We wouldn’t want anyone to think that our beautiful Vag is unkempt,” said a Barnard facilities worker. “We want everyone to see it for the flower it truly is.”

The Vag will also house more performance spaces for The Vagina Monologues, offices for the Women Studies Department, and a Georgia O’Keefe gallery. Students are also encouraged to think of creative new uses for the building. “What can I say?” laughed Dean Denburg, “There is a lot of space in our Vag!”

Antonioni also addressed concern about Columbia students’ use of the Vag. “I really hope Columbia students know that they are welcome to come down here and take advantage of our Vag whenever they feel like it. I know it might seem like an unwelcoming, scary place at first, but if Columbia students start using their heads, I’m sure they’ll make it through.”

I don’t know about you girls, but I’m definitely looking forward to spending some quality time in our new Vag. It looks like it’s going to be so lovely and welcoming, like our own little safe space. And, based on the information I got from interviews, it definitely seems like the Vag is going to be just so much more comfortable and less cramped than the But.